Have you ever met someone who inspired the hell out of you?!
Like in your mind, they are freaking amazing because of how confident they are, how poised and elegant?
They get stuff done, they look AWESOME and their lifestyle is what you daydream about when you want to escape the stress of life’s grinding.
They are living the life that RESONATES with you. They are doing the things that you wish, dream and fantasize about doing and you have a little, secret, platonic crush on them.
(You know it’s true!)
That’s why you follow them on any and all social media accounts. Why you need to let them know that you are around in some way- or you’re more of a lurker and you don’t like anything on the accounts, but you are always aware of their posts and they give you LYFE!
It’s why you are so interested in not just what they are working on but also what they are doing, and what is going in their lives.
They just freaking resonate with you and they inspire you to be better and to want more from your life. They did it, and they are so sure that you can too.
You are very much so invested and you love the feeling you get when they pop up in your notification streams.
Annnnd here’s where things get tricky.
This level of inspiration and motivation can go several ways.
- You get inspired to take a look at your own life, decide how you want to improve it for yourself and start researching how you can. You’re so pumped and invigorated by your Motivator’s energy, drive and passionate commitment that you decide you want and can follow in their footsteps and be an even better version of yourself.
2 ) You start to get triggered by your Motivator and instead of building on your own life and your own goals, you start to imitate them, literally modeling yourself after your role models.
This is the challenge we’re about to address in this post: What to do when you start to be so inspired you want to be someone else.
Now I am no doctor, no psychologist and I’m not here to diagnose nor give medical advice, all I am is a fellow person who went through this ordeal herself.
My story as it relates to this particular topic begins with my decision to become an entrepreneur and I was learning how to start up my coaching business. I was desperate at the time, scared, money-poor and so very determined to prove I had not made a huge mistake my leaving my job, no matter how miserable it was making me.
So I started doing online research as one does and from there I learnt not only a lot about starting my business but I also learnt about a variety of groups and coaches that seemed to have it all together and were thriving!
I wanted to thrive like that. I wanted to shine like the brightest star in the night’s sky and so I started following tow specific online coaches hardcore. I wanted to be like them.
They were open, honest, confident and feisty.
They seemed to have it all sorted and as they spoke in their groups and gave advice- engaged with their members, I started wanting- no needing- to be spotlighted. I wanted their validation, because in those moments it felt that if they could just see me, if they acknowledge me then I MUST be on the right path and everything was going to be working out great.
And before I knew it, I was becoming a stalker. I looked at everything I could find about them, their IG stories, I was trying to formulate posts, I was legit doing the most and getting more and more frustrated because I could not understand why I was not making progress like they were.
Yes they were inspiring me, but I no longer felt able to trust my own intuition, I kept trying to merge what they told me into my own my own knowledge bank, determined that using their strategy would catapult me into success, even as I had no idea what the hell I was even doing anymore or what I actually wanted to do in this life.
It was a process and one that was so insidious, because it started off so innocently, so easily and simply, but before I knew it I was trying to emulate them- exactly as a child learning from his/ her parents would!
And that was basically because in many ways I was in fact a child. I was a newbie to this world, trying to understand it and find my footing, so mimicking their behaviours, the way they expressed themselves, even their gestures and view of the world, made sense to me, if it would get me the same results.
After all they always say, mimic those who are successful and you will be successful too, so maybe you start altering the way you think and when faced with a situation, you recall how your Role Model dealt with just this specific occurrence and you try to do it the same way.
What they do not tell you, and they really should is that mimicking someone, becoming so ‘inspired’ by that person can cause you to be triggered, to subconsciously believe that you are not enough, that you are not doing it right and when those things start to happen, it can get very easy to lose yourself in the sea of ‘I want to be like her/him’.
So here are some of the things to look out for, when you feel stuck and inspired by someone, but you feel like maybe you’re starting to emulate them too much, rather than apply their teachings to your own life.
It’s very easy to replace yourself with someone else’s antics and expressions because you identify with them so much and you want to be where you perceive they are in their life journey.
The thing is, they are not where they are by blindly following someone else. They are where are successfully, because they tuned in, tapped in and turned on their intuition and took steps that were in alignment for them.
They believed in themselves, were confident in their outcome and never gave up on themselves, no matter how many times they had to pivot or change the way they were doing something in their lives.
They have moved past that need to compare themselves with others, instead taking the time to process who they are, what they want and tailor a strategy that brings more of the people they want in their lives to them.
So if you’re making the huge mistake of comparing yourself to your Motivator, which honestly is such a seemingly natural and obvious thing to do, I urge you not to do it.
Some when they compare themselves, are able to decide they can do better, they are lead to improving on themselves from a healthier place of thought, while others when they play the compare game, only find themselves coming up short and are ready to replace what they see as ‘not good enough’ with an example of what is.
You are already good enough, you are already in the process of improving and learning, do not forget that you are special. That there is so much that is special and wonderful about you.
Your idea of success is not some far off dream, where you need to replace yourself to achieve it. Your idea of success is in fact just that: your idea!
You get to decide how to transform your own life and it’s all to be found in your mindset. How you react to being inspired by someone or something is legit a mindset game.
For me, when I caught myself, I left the group because there were too many like myself in there, trying to gain validation from the Coach as a teacher’s pet would from a teacher and I realized this was not what I wanted.
I did not want to try to impress anyone, I wanted to actually be impressive, I wanted to feel like I was safe in my own skin and I needed to do that away from the group.
It was time I got real, and that meant realizing that I had to know several things for myself, because only then could I move forward and actually strive for the specific kind of success I yearned for.
So readers, here is my advice to you: You are YOU for a reason.
You are special in your own way and there is nothing wrong with being inspired, there is nothing wrong with accepting that your life can get better and better, and there is nothing wrong with choosing to grow using your own parameters and nurturing systems.
Those who you are so inspired by, they had to do the same and are still in the process of it; they are learning and growing more into themselves daily and you can as well.
Here’s some advice on how to truly realign with yourself!
First of all, stop trying to race before you can even crawl.
You covet their lifestyle because it seems so perfect and glamorous and awesome, but have you even thought about what this really means for you?
Do you really want this lifestyle and understand what it entails?
You know what this person likes, dislikes, will buy, will slay in….but what about yourself?
There is power in getting to know and loving yourself.
There is power in realising that being inspired to want more does not automatically mean that you as a person need to do a complete overhaul in someone else’s image.
Here are some journaling prompts that helped me to really get back on track and reconnected to my own goals and chosen lifestyle:
>> How does it feel when you see/ read anything about that person?
>> How does this affect your life?
>> Are you prepared to put in the effort/ possible sacrifices and lessons needed to achieve that level of perceived success for yourself?
>> What does a successful and happy lifestyle look like for you specifically?
>> Do you feel worthy of this success?
>> Are you ready to realize you’re only going to get this success if you are yourself and you are authentic?
>> Do you remember how to be you?
I know you’re probably reading this thinking, what the hell? How can I forget to be myself?
You would be surprised dear!
It’s so easy to be caught up with someone else- especially when we believe that person to be doing, experiencing or living in a way that we would dearly love to achieve- that we discard the parts of ourselves that are uniquely us, in favour of what we think is better.
All I’m going to say is this: You are amazing, you have value to offer and you need to spend time with yourself.
Get to see the ‘power’ of your smile, the way your eyes sparkle, your quirkiness and your personality as uniquely thrilling aspects of yourself.
There is nothing saying that you, being you can’t re-craft your life in a way that is in alignment for you, in a way that allows you to feel inspired to make growing changes and in a way that also promotes self love, confidence and success!
Inspire yourself daily and you can appreciate others, without trying to pseudo-clone them, because you genuinely do not need to.
You are already more than enough and so NEEDED in this world!