It starts with you rationalizing why there is no way you can ever live the life you fantasize about and it ends with you feeling torn between what you think should do and what you are feeling in your body that you are being called to do.
And it all feels like frustration and building resentment.
I’ve lived there!
I was the girl who had the high dreams and a vision of a life that was filled with ease and spending time on activities and people I truly wanted to and I knew what my one talent in life was.
My problem however was that I just did not know how this was going to make me the amount of money I needed to truly contribute to the kind of lifestyle I was secretly craving.
So I did what seemed to be working for everyone else and I gave in to my own doubt monster and into the worried pleas of those close to me, to do the ‘responsible’ thing.
I got a job,- a well paying one- that on paper was pretty awesome.
It paid just shy of comfortable and the workload initially was ok and to sweeten the deal even more, I would be utilising my ONE talent!
I convinced myself I was happy with this way of life, after all every day I was utilising my talent and learning new skills and really, it wasn’t that awful, infact, it was actually kind of fun and I had really awesome colleagues.
Yet in the back of my mind I knew- legit gut feeling knew- that this would not last.
And when things finally became too overbearing for me, I jumped ship and took on a job I KNEW was not going to end well for me, because of the reputation of the company was one of being disorganized and stressful….but I told myself I needed the money and I was optimistic that it could work.
The deal sounded right and I had grown to be more confident in my abilities, however, people are a very real factor in any job and negative attitudes can sour even the best of situations when you feel undervalued and overworked.
That lead me to do the unthinkable! I left the job and my only source of income and in shock of what I had done and in a fit of thriving stubbornness and the need to prove that I was not in fact insane, I started my own series of companies. However, I can tell you now, that I was NOT at all in the right mindset for such a huge undertaking.
Really, I was driven by fear, desperation and a need to show everyone that I CAN do it all! Which was not at all in the direction of my ideal life, but my focus was now on surviving, not actually living.
Now I can go on and on and tell you about that journey, but what I will do instead is tell you what I learnt and hope it helps you to jump over these same hurdles faster, so that you will continue the journey to your dreams with only minimal insanity.
1) I do not ever need to justify wanting to achieve my dreams!
For a very long time, I felt guilty for daring to try to do what I felt drawn to because from my and many other’s vantage point, there was no real and feasible way for me to actually live the life I really wanted to create.
The guilt was made worse because while I had an urge and a desire, I had no concrete, ‘sure fire’ strategy to achieve this goal and even as I was determined to prove that I could create the money and I could in fact have everything the way I kept telling myself I could, the truth was that I felt like a burden and a slacker, each and everyday a miracle did not happen.
In the process, I gave up on my actual dreams, hopes and even the real plan that I had set out on and got wrapped up like a flipped surfer in a huge wave of online coaches, sure to work techniques and all of the ‘guru’ sanctioned insights.
Which all made me doubt myself and feel like I was some kind of desperate idiot.
Much later on, -and I mean like 30 webinars in a year, if that little later- I learnt that I did not need any real strategy. In fact, I learnt that I needed to trust myself, learn the technical, but stay true to my own visions and be proud that I even had them.
When you are on the path that is for you, you know it.
Sometimes, you have to learn tough lessons, but that is to make you even stronger, wiser and more appreciative of your dream’s manifestation into reality for you.
2) Your loving doubters just do not understand your dreams and that is ok!
My biggest doubters and critics were from those who loved me and I realized later that their constant fussing and worry over where my life was going was out of fear and concern for me.
They wanted to see me do well, but I was going too far out of the box and putting myself at too much of a risk with no real reward or immediate return on investment (ROI) as far as they could see.
And they were freaked out. Add to that my own worry and you have a perfect cocktail for a DOUBT party!
However, all of this is normal.
It is what happens when you follow a path that only you can see; a path that is only for you- and to be honest there will be very few who will understand or be able to see this path as you do.
And that’s ok.
This path, this dream and this goal, is uniquely yours and it is for you to follow through on , nobody else.
There is no reason to buy into the irrelevant doubts that are plaguing you and others, instead if a point resonates with you, take it in stride and resolve it as you push forward.
The biggest take away really is that you, yourself need to believe in your intuition, in your dream and know that while the path will lead to success, there has never been a hero who had an easy time achieving their goals.
However, they all were made even wiser and stronger for it. This will be you as well!
3) Changing your ‘how’ or starting over is not a sign of being defeated!
As you go along the journey, it will not be all sunshine and roses.
That is boring and your life is about to become epic, so you will need some epic challenges to rise up to meet, overcome and become richer for.
These challenges are there for you to rise, meet and conquer so that you can grow even more and re-commit to the lifestyle you are crafting.
I’ve learnt that being on a journey does not mean there is only one way to get there nor can / should you try to do it the same way as another person.
The ground work is the same- you have the goal, you research, you take action, you improve your mindset- but the way you will reach success is uniquely yours.
It is the path that is aligned specifically for you and cannot be exactly duplicated.
I had to learn that while I could do the exact same things as other successful people, I was not getting the same results and I put that on me having limited resources, not trying hard enough, doing something wrong, experience…etc.
The truth was all of that was correct; however the bigger truth was that none of that felt right for me. I had to feel in flow to get the successes I craved and sometimes that meant starting over from where I was in that moment.
Sometimes it meant revisiting an old idea, sometimes it meant reversing and going right instead of left and all of it showed that I was now smarter. I now understood better what was happening in my life.
I was not wiser to embrace the wonders of these experiences and use them to further my own goals.
The truth is that you are only defeated when you decide you are, when you allow pride, doubt, fear or overconfidence to rob you of your true visions.
4) Never apologize for living the life you desire!
I would get amazing opportunities and feel guilty about it or be cautious of stepping on other’s toes and asserting my own authority.
I would allow the chains of how I should be perceived and how I was told I needed to present myself to blind me and keep me from enforcing the boundaries needed to protect myself from those who were only interested in using me.
I learnt that if I was not willing to fight for my dreams and celebrate my own successes then I was undercutting my own happiness and not allowing myself to grow into my strengths.
I’m not saying to become an arrogant, jerk, but to employ balance in your life and stay true to who you are and what you successfully put the work into.
It is safe and welcomed to love yourself, to be proud of yourself and to be confident in all that you are good at and even bad at lol.
5) Your ‘right now’ is not your end all, changes are inevitable!
I remember sitting on my bed in tears because I felt as if my life was crumbling all around me and not feeling to get up, face the day or have the energy to even want to keep trying.
I remember doubting all my life choices and castigating myself for not sticking through the things I knew in my heart I was settling for, because it felt as if I had massively fucked up and this was my life now- A mess.
All of that was preparing me for bigger and better things, to have mindset shifts so that I could rise better to new and bigger challenges.
Testing me to see if I was ready to handle more of what I wanted. If I was prepared to truly fight to achieve my dreams and most importantly, trust myself and grow more into who I had decided to become.
In those moments of feeling stuck and in stasis, I refused to imagine a better life, and allowed my thoughts to be clouded by limiting beliefs.
I almost missed all of the lessons learnt and all of the things I had to be grateful for. The truth is, if you are going through hell, just keep going because now you’re fire resistant and knowledgeable about how to do it again with much less fuss.
You’re stronger and you’re wiser.
Your right now is not all of your life.
As long as you have breath in your body, listen to your authentic and core wants and make daily steps towards it, then there is no doubt that your life will begin to be as you desire it to be.