Sometimes, all you feel to do is cry, and rage and scream and the urge is so strong, it takes over your whole body!
Sometimes you want to curl up on the kitchen floor and drown your sorrows in your fave alcohol or in your fave comfort foods.
Sometimes positive platitudes are enough to make you want to commit acts of violence and there is no real reason why…
Sometimes my Luvs, you are simply human-
…Human in a world that seems to delight in chewing you up and spitting you out….slowly.
A world that others keep telling you, you have the power to control, but every experience that pops into your head reinforces that this control is true for other people. Never you.
You’re the one who just cannot catch a freaking break, you’re the one who seems to have committed some terrible crime in a past life. You’re the one that keeps being kicked down, again and again.
So what are you supposed to do?
What do you do?
The latest motivational/ inspirational post you probably read told you to not give up!
It most likely encouraged you to persevere and to not let these feelings take control of you. It probably reminded you that you should be grateful for all you have, because there are others with so much less and it tried to motivate you to believe in yourself and to just keep on going.
And you probably looked at that post and wondered what kind of happily ever after hippie person wrote that ish.
Persevere? Haven’t you been doing that ish for like forever?
When is the change supposed to happen anyway?
When is it YOUR time to shine, have all the things and feel better about your life?
When is it your time to be abundant, to feel as if you are in control of your life and time and finances?
What exactly are you doing so wrong that these others seemed to have perfected?
Because right now, in this moment, you are seconds away from flinging your hands up, and caving to defeat.
And it will not be pretty.
You are seconds away from screaming at the fury and angst that has been building up within you but worse of all, you are moments away from settling into your surrender.
Moments away from deciding that all your naysayers were right and your end goals are silly, too big or just not for you. You may be one final push away from thinking you are a failure and that you are neither good enough nor worthy enough and that is why you keep on failing…
And really, all you want to know is ‘How do I make this better? How do I make me better?’
If no one else knows how you are feeling right now, I freakin do.
I know the days of watching others get the attention, praise, money and validation for their ‘bravery’, talents and dedication.
I know the headaches, backaches and restless sleep of wracking your brain trying to figure out what you need to do, that you’re STILL clearly not doing, because no matter what, you’re not the one getting those amazing results.
And I know how easy it is to straight up start blocking those positive a-holes who keep sprouting rainbow-like possibilities from their posts.
Seriously, EFF them, -even though you are also reading their posts and secretly wishing it was all as easily doable as they made it seem for you too.
All I can say to you, my friend, is that this is normal and natural.
Of course you’re going to feel frustrated and stressed out when you’re trying to shape your life into someone else’s image.
Of course your life is going to feel empty, if you’re focusing on your problems and what is lacking in your life, rather than what is enriching it.
Of course you’re not going to be sure what you deep down want, because you’ve been actively running, fighting and burying those intuitive nudges so deep down in your psyche, that now that you’re ready for them to guide you, you no longer recognize your own voice.
And of course you’re going to be seeking comfort when you’ve been trying to prove that you are worthy, prove that you can make those important in your life happy and be what you think they need you to be, even at the detriment of actually being and living your life as yourself…
So yes, all of these feelings, emotions and resulting frustrating situations are all normal when you are actively living a life that is not at all in alignment with your true self or purpose.
So again, what to do?
First, we let it all out!
Rage around! Let the pain and frustration out.
Find a sport that allows you to HIT something or exert yourself.
Lift weights and do cardio exercises.
Let it all out, exhaust your emotions and let yourself release it all, so that you can come back with a leveled, less pent up brain and then, only then, refocus.
Refocus on your ULTIMATE goals, the ones that are constantly in your mind and makes you so happy and excited that your freaking heart skips a beat while thinking about them.
This gets easier, the more you reconnect to WHO you are and what you need in your life to make you feel so much better consistently!
Release all the ‘I did this already’ and the ‘I can’ts’ and the ‘I ‘m just so freakin done with this’ and ‘what will people think…’ and ‘what if..?’
Screw it all.
Release the rage; refocus on your goal, de-stress by doing something fun and let yourself recover.
Tomorrow, or even later- depends on how fast you listen to your intuition-, you will find the path you need to.
When it’s time, you will be able to recommit and know that it is safe to go after what you truly desire. In time you will learn that sometimes it all sucks and it’s not a bad thing.
You’ll learn from your mistakes and come out so much stronger, wiser and patient from it all.
It is safe to feel it all and to react and to respond and to take a moment and to come right back with an improved strategy.