What is Really Stopping Your Flow ( It is not FEAR)!

 Today we are talking about the thing that has the true power to completely derail your success and leave you in a corner of the kitchen floor, ugly crying while you day drink, and no I’m not talking about fear.

This emotion is one that many know of it’s power, but it is rarely brought up as one of the BIG emotions that if fed regularly can turn into a real monster making it super hard to resolve and conquer!

I’m talking about one of the most insidious, sneaky and long lasting emotions you have within you!

I’m talking about doubt, more specifically- self- doubt (When you question your own ability to achieve / do something).

So yes, we talk a great deal about resolving or even overcoming fear, including the fear of failing and the fear of success, and while it is very true that fear is one of the most triggering emotions when we have decided to pursue our dreams and goals, self- doubt wields a much darker power!

We rarely talk about the power of self doubt and the effects it has, even as it is the thing that more often than not, is what is stalling us from getting what we want.

So let’s talk about it.

Doubt manifests in various ways, superbly triggering your mental blocks around a desired outcome. It is sneaky foe which never fights alone, since it also triggers fear and a host of other potentially overpowering emotions!

It is a sneaky foe which never fights alone, since it also triggers fear and a host of other potentially overpowering emotions!


The many forms of self – doubt are as follows:

Resistance

This occurs when you really want a desired outcome, and you have been thinking about it a lot, however, you become aware of this tight feeling around your head and heart when you think about it, which then triggers worry and anxiety within your body.

This resistance causes you to start rethinking the likelihood of you being triumphant and you begin to lose faith and hope in the actuality of your success.

Your heart quickens but the emotion is not one you can get behind and it leaves you feeling tired and drained- doubtful!

Doubt also manifests as limiting beliefs and become even stronger the more you give into them, instead of challenging them and allowing yourself to be guided with conviction towards your success after realising what these limiting thoughts are actually trying to communicate with you.

Logic

If you have decided that the outcome you desire is not one that easily fits within your scope of reality and the rules that govern your life, then it will be difficult to buy in and believe in it.

The goal may seem so huge and impossible for you that the only way you can see it happening for you is if a cosmic deity came down and gave you the power of a genie. And while the way may be impossible, the result is not- maybe others have achieved that result, but you are unsure if you can as well.
My best example- I want to fly through the air. The Wright brothers made that a possibility by creating the first airplane; not exactly flapping your wings like a bird but it works. Same thing with the Helicopter!

Fear

Fear is not always just fear; sometimes it is a manifestation of deep seated doubt and lack of both confidence and faith in what you are doing.

It is triggered especially when you give yourself a deadline in which you should start experiencing a certain level of progress and you do not.
It occurs every time you ‘fail’ or make a mistake or simply when nothing is happening.

This then leads to frustration, overwhelm and stress.

You begin to fear that you will never see the desired outcome, that maybe this whole thing was a fool’s dream and a waste of time….and as the time comes closer, the fear that you are not enough and have messed up somewhere becomes even stronger. You doubt your ability and your results.

Here’s the thing, the bigger the desire for the outcome of the goal, the easier it is to doubt that it will come through.

The more you doubt the possibility of the outcome the more you trigger your limiting beliefs and the harder it is to see them as things to challenge and not prophecies of your inevitable failure.

Doubt has the power if you let it to derail you completely, it is insidious and subtle, but the effects are long lasting.

In fact when you think about your limiting beliefs you can actually trace them to the triggering emotion that is self-doubt.

So how do we get over our doubt and actually do what we need to?
First and foremost you have to identify the specific thing that is triggering your doubt around this goal and your own abilities and resources.

Fear is an easier emotion to resolve because once you face your fears they tend to be easily resolved, however doubt is not so easily dealt with.

Doubt is rooted in possibility and it is super easy to assign meaning to your outcomes, thereby feeding your doubt until you no longer believe in success and eventually give up.

So when you think of your goal, journal out what is causing you to doubt yourself and the possibility of what you desire.

Can this thing be mitigated?
Is there something you can do alleviate or resolve this thing?
Is this thing ultimately true?


 Example:

Goal: I want to buy my first home in 2 months!
Doubt: But how the hell am I going to do this? I am not making nearly enough to buy my home. I am trying to find new ways to make money. It is going to be so hard to do this!

Doubt Trigger: Knowledge of not having enough money. Belief that the house hunting process will be stressful and the deadline impossible.
What can be done: I can figure out how to make the money I think I need.
I can research just how the process of buying a home actually works.

I can also rewire my mindset around the possibility of me achieving this ‘hard’ goal.

I can break this goal into smaller more actionable goals.

I know what I want and I release it to the Universe to guide me to my inevitable success!

Reframing Trigger: Right now I do not have the required money to buy my dream home and I feel like that will add to the stress of this experience, but I know that I will make the money and I know that I can have what I desire.

Here’s the funny thing, depending on how strong your self-doubt is, there is a chance that some of the practical work can all lead to even more doubt, because while they will fill you with more information and help you make an informed decision, they do nothing to actually address the growing feeling of doubt that you can do this permanently.

 For that you need conviction. You need to genuinely believe that you WILL have what you need and asked for.

Ultimately, doubt is combated by, faith and the strong belief (conviction) that no matter what, you will achieve your goals.

It is the combated by faith so strong that even as nothing happens in the final dwindling seconds, you still know that it will happen.

It is combated by knowing that you did do all that you were able to and now the rest is left in the hands of your God/ Universe.

While doubt is not rooted in logic- even though it will use it against you- it is in fact rooted deeply with your own range of possibility and believability and that is why when you feed it by compounding your limiting beliefs, you open the door for things to take a very long time to go your way.

When you doubt yourself, you are calling into question the validity of your desires, and assigning unnecessary meaning to them if they do not happen right away. You are feeding the self fulfilling prophecy of failure.

Ultimately to receive what you want quickly and easily, you will have to let it all go and allow the Universe/ God to guide you through your journey.

What I mean is that you need to become an energetic match for the thing you truly want and feed that positive and happiness inducing feeling, while not hyper focusing on the stressors swirling around the goal like sharks.

This world of energy works with whatever kind of highly emotionally fueled energy you are expressing and expending in the world.

This energy then colours your beliefs and your actions which impacts your ability to amass the kind of abundance you naturally can.

If you have ever wondered how others have been getting ahead and getting all the things they want seemingly so easily and with so little stress and pressure, while you feel as if you have to climb several mountains- and you hate climbing – just to be in the vicinity of success, then yes, it is time for a mindset and energetic emotional rewiring.

Let’s start now:
Envision the outcome of the goal you desire and lean into the feelings surrounding your mind and body at those celebratory thoughts come to and flow through you.

This is key- what are you feeling in your body? Hold on to that happy feeling and now set out to feed it.

Set out with the intention of nurturing and nourishing that happy feeling, so that it becomes your default.

Will this be easy? No. Most of our defaults are set to stress and doubt things and it is hard to let go of bad habits like that, but thankfully not impossible.

When it comes to the goal, set a to-do list of all the things you can do, that are within your control and do them- assign no meaning to any of the outcomes, just do your part!

All others release, they are out of your control and therefore are not up to you to happen.
Check in with yourself daily to see where you are emotionally and mentally and work to suit.

Be vigilant not to give into worry around the outcome of the goal; instead choose often to believe that your goal is not only possible but is coming closer to accomplishment every day.

Delete the deadline if that is a source of stress- as we tend to assign so much meaning to a deadline that it does not need. It is a neutral thing and means neither anything good or bad.

Spend time thinking daily thinking about your desired outcome and how you will feel- like 3 minutes a day- every day until it seems impossible for it to NOT happen.

Listen to that small yet urgent voice in your body that whispers to your mind- that is your intuition and it will tell you the aligned actions to take- you’ll know that it is your intuition because it will feel like that celebratory feeling in your chest and body.

Take those actions immediately and continue to enjoy life.
Release the goal and the significance of it, because you know it will happen and continue to feed that energy by filling your life with the things, experiences and people who trigger that happily accomplished feeling.

Now, will some of the things you have to do in the beginning be hard? You bet your ass they will be.

Will it be hard to just believe and have faith? Oh yeah. This is new and change is always hard, but it will get easier.

Could there be sleepless nights and feelings of wanting to give up? Will there be residual limiting beliefs and feelings of failure and all the consequences that come with it?

Once again- helllll yessss.

Many of us have not been feeding our inner happy selves; instead we have been looking for all the ways we are fucking up and can’t have what we truly want.

We are all caught up in settling and even as you desire for more and know you can have it, it will be a serious battle to change your default.

Your subconscious will set out to self sabotage until you genuinely believe that you WILL HAVE what you want.

If it does not believe you, then you do not believe you.

This exercise is about reconnecting to yourself and actually detoxing your energy, while rewiring your mindset on what is possible for you when you simply decide and know that the world is working to make your success happen for you.

You have to believe it, want it and take the aligned actions.

You have to also know that you are not working on it alone and it will happen.You can’t force it; you simply have to trust and belief in yourself, your faith and in your Universe.

I know we talk about doubt in a very linear way, as if, if you just do this one thing it’ll be ok and doubt will be banished into the ether, but the truth is that you have to work on your doubt daily, which means you have to work on fueling up your happiness meter daily and starving doubt.

Understanding how you actually learn to believe in things and what you actually expect to happen around your goal and in the reality of your life are both things that also impact how successful you will be in the end.

For me it was not enough to just know these things.
When I was in the thick of it, about to be suffocated by the feelings of being stuck at the level I was at- broke and trying desperately to believe that this was only a temporary thing, which was hard AF because it felt as if I was broke for YEARS.

When I felt my world limiting to just me, the computer and my new BFF called ‘Desperation’, I can tell you that I truly doubted that I would ever truly get anything more than the little hope I had now.

So I coached my hope in the desperation to keep it safe, thinking it was safe to use desperation to drive myself to believing I could do it. And when I failed yet again, I almost extinguished my hope altogether.

When finally gathered my courage to embark on a new goal, I felt myself going back to my defaults- feeling my doubt intensify around that goal like a bee hive following their Queen-bee.

I’ll be honest, it felt insane to not focus on the issues, to not focus on the very challenging problems that surrounded my goal, after all if I didn’t focus on them then how would I resolve them?

It made zero sense to just ‘release them’ and to focus on making myself feel better…yet, the more I enjoyed the different areas of my life and filled them with happiness and contentment daily, the more I envisioned the happy outcome of my goal, the easier it was to let go of the hurdles, the more I started to believe that my desired outcome was something inevitable.

I started to expect it all to work out easily; I started to believe not only in myself, but also in my ability to continue to nurture a happy life.

I had to start living that happy life where I was right now, rather than hinge my outcome on any prerequisite, and when I got triggered- which was A LOT in the beginning, I had to face it, resolve them and decide what I wanted to continue to feed into.

I started to learn how I believe in things- my process from thinking to believing and expecting.

I started to learn what true success and happiness meant for me.

I started to trust myself and in my ability to enjoy my life and have whatever I allowed myself to have.

And slowly as I gained momentum, the thing that seemed so freaking impossible, became something that I just expected to happen and it did.

It was not an easy road to releasing my old habits and creating new ones, no matter how amazing they were, but I did it and I know you will too!



41 thoughts on “What is Really Stopping Your Flow ( It is not FEAR)!

  1. I really needed to move this. I’ve had new social channels up for my business for about a week now, but I haven’t put anything on them. What I thought was fear is actually just self-doubt now that I look at it.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Wow, you really hit the nail on the head with this. Thank you for these tips to overcoming self doubt. Many people dont realize how crippling it really can be

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Money woes mixed with self-doubt is rough! Mindset isn’t just how you think, but also how you genuinely feel around the goal. That helps, but if you ever want to vent it out and could use a guide to this, I’m available and you can email me at ashleeunscripted@gmail.com and we can just work it out ( free ) I like helping as much as I can!

      Like

  3. I think this is a great way to look at things and draw up a plan on how you will achieve your goals. Sometimes it is very hard to accomplish things also because of distractions and procrastination, not only logic and fear.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I loved reading this, mainly because I can identify myself here! Self-doubt is something I have to work at everyday. Hopefully I’ll get through the hurdles the best I can!

    Like

  5. What a great read! I am at this point where I struggle to get started with a long time dream of mine which is to build my own business. You definitely write all the negative thoughts and emotions that are holding me back from getting started. I could use your advice thank you so much!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. It is so difficult to believe in yourself, I feel stuck many times with just getting there and I self sabotage myself as I don’t feel worthy or good enough some times. Great article – I understand what you mean about breaking things into smaller chunks

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Self-sabotage is no joke! Sometimes the smaller chunks help and also understanding what it is that is causing the self sabotage. If you ever just want to talk about these feelings, you can email me! Let’s connect

      Liked by 1 person

  7. I can’t agree with you more self- doubt is a huge killer and many people give up their hopes and dreams because of not having enough believe and confidence in themselves.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Fear is definitely one of those things that can leave you feeling helpless. It has taken me a long time to get over the fear of venturing into a new business for myself. Afraid that I might fail but if I didnt try I would have another feeling – regret.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh yes! This was one of the things I had to overcome myself and let me tell you, the idea of regret- especially regret over something I can control, plus the feeling of happiness my business gave me was enough for me to resolve those fears and doubts. They pop up every now and then, but I use them as guides now!

      Like

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