The Real Reason I Started Seeking Pain

As much as it pains me to admit this, I realise that I have to… Freud was right the entire time.

For those who may already know my issues with this legendary psychologist, I’m sure you read that last line in total shock-, trust me, it was just as shocking for me to write it-, yet fair is fair and I have to give the man his rightful due.

Freud as it turns out understood basic human nature and mindset more than I did- no shock there, but as I write this post, I think I finally get where he was actually coming from now.

It’s Monday and I’m sitting in the TV Room, on the long couch next to the window, basking in the warm sunlight and the light. chilly breeze that’s swirling inside.

It’s a quiet day, the sun is high in the sky, the clouds are wisps in the ocean blue sky and honestly if this is not the kind of day that sparks inner reflection, I do not know what is.

Oh and the electricity is off, because of some generator failure Islandwide and I’m using the last of my laptop power to type this up.

It’s off and I now understand what a ‘lazy day’ feels like. Outside in the dining room, my parents are loudly and randomly going over potential cake recipes and the price to make them.

My kindle gave up the ghost on me and I, with great reluctance turned on this laptop to write because as I recline on this couch, staring at the sky and feeling lethargy creep up on me, I realized that when it came to money, wealth, my own journey in entrepreneurship, the way I’ve been thinking before and the way that my intuition wants me to be thinking now, all comes back to freaking Sigmund Freud.

Yeah, that spurred me to open up a word doc and start typing.

So here it is: Freud was right in the most basic of thoughts -> Man seeks pleasure and avoids pain.

I’ve known that ideology for years thanks to my Psychology background and my stint with online coaches, and yet today, on a warm, lazy, no distractions Monday morning, I freaking finally get it.

I have been struggling with a variety of things, specifically what are the things that come to me in this world, simply because I exist.

For instance, for me to exist and live in this world, I have to be provided with a variety of things, including, water, oxygen, food, clothes and a safe dwelling.

Those things are non-negotiable and to be honest are things I just expected to be there all my life and they have been.

Have you ever noticed that?

That these are just things that you expect in life, that these are just some of the things that you don’t have to think about getting? As you exist, they must be provided for you, even if you don’t know how or where they will come from?

It’s supposed to be the same with health, wealth, love and happiness.

Yet,  you may argue that this is not the case and even I felt for a long time that in order to have these things in abundance, then I needed to find strategies, I needed to do more than simply exist.

Somewhere down the line between being a toddler to adulthood, I stopped seeking pleasure because I was sure it would come with pain and my mindset shifted and developed differently because of that.

Health instead of being about loving my body, mind and spirit, became about looking attractive to others and weight lost.

Wealth instead of being a byproduct of my own passions coming to fruition, became about not having money, trying to find money, settling for what I can get and ignoring my passions.

Love instead of being a lifestyle became a thing that was used to manipulate and cause pain.

Happiness instead of being a state of mind, became a pipe dream that was based on what I had, rather than who I was and my energy.

So yeah, all of these things began to cause more pain than pleasure, even as they were created to provide pleasure, and so I started to avoid them in the states I believed they existed in.

For weeks, and months I have been going through a lot of shifts, in which I have been reclaiming my health, love, happiness and wealth, acknowledging that just like the air I breathe, they too in their pure ( not corrupted by greed, fear and desperation states) are to be provided to me just because I exist.

So Freud, I get it now, I get that there are things that are provided to me simply because I exist and that I have the power to either nurture them or corrupt them.

I understand that I do seek pleasure and I will avoid pain, but this depends heavily on what I perceive to be giving me either and how I interact with it.

And I also understand that in all of this, my true and only focus needs to be on healthy, growing love.

Thanks for taking this time to spend with me.  Don’t forget you can totally comment below or email me your thoughts at ashleeunscripted@gmail.com, Let’s connect!

I’ll see you later!


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