Happy New Year! Happy New Decade!
As I sit atop of a hill, with the chilly breeze flowing all around, me lightly kissing my warm skin, I can’t help but to let my mind wander.
Beneath me is a picturesque view of Barbados. A sea of nature, interspersed with the dots of homes, businesses and moving vehicles on grey roads. Below me the island paradise is alive with productivity.
Leaning back from the bright rays of the sun, because I forgot my hat (read: totally didn’t even think of bringing it), I listen to the calls of the black birds, and watch as the sparrows return to their nests in the palm tree behind me.
It’s all quiet, peaceful.
To my right, there are cows munching on grass in the field next to me, not a care in the world except what they are eating and for some reason that sight, coupled with everything else, makes me feel so very nostalgic.
It’s wild to me that this is not only a whole new year, but also the beginning of a whole new decade and I am actually excited for my future this time around.
As I sit here, a week into this new year with the grass beginning to itch my bare legs in these stretchy, denim shorts, I allow myself to reflect on how much I’ve grown in the last ten years.
2010 was a HUGE year for me and if I’m honest it was one of the most pivotal years of my life.
I graduated from University with honours, after getting an A on my Thesis, earning my BA in psychology. I resigned from my part time job as a shoe saleslady and took my first real step into following my passions, when I applied and got accepted to work as a journalist in the Hello Youth Magazine.
That alone was a culture shock for me, getting to write was one thing, but meeting new people daily, and being placed in situations which meant I had to bolster my confidence and meet challenges head on, was nothing short of necessary.
I bought my first car, and started to find my voice, not only in what I was writing for work, but also for what I am interested in and what life boundaries I needed to enforce.
I met more amazing friends and started my journey into womanhood officially.
The decade that followed only saw me learning more about myself, making life changing decisions and growing more into accepting what I really wanted from this life of mine. It took me like shells trapped in an unrelenting wave towards the shores of inner healing and self- acceptance.
So as I sit here, in 2020, I can tell you that I am a lady emboldened.
Just last year, while I woke up cautiously hopeful for the New Year, I was still going through the rough transition of mindset shifting and it honestly took just as much of a toll on me as it did in releasing me from my inner demons.
I was still struggling to find my footing and soothe away all of my aches, thinking I could resolve my problems and challenges if I just kept focusing on them, if I could just find a win and prove that all my sacrifices, painful lessons and hopeful dreams were not all for nothing.
Turns out, that’s not how that works.
When you focus on problems, you don’t fix them, instead you allow them to multiply and stage a coup to take over your very soul.
This year, I’m the same me, just wiser, stronger, calmer and somehow even more optimistic.
And why is that you may ask?
It’s simply because as I reflect over my MANY struggles over the last decade and beyond, the results have been pretty consistent.
I’m still here and I stay.
No matter what, no matter how many times I felt roasted over fire, no matter how many times I wanted to tear my skin off as tribute to my perceived failures, no matter how many times I said ‘yes’ when in truth, my heart was screaming ‘no’ but I forced myself all the same, I’ve learnt from all of that and allowed myself to reveal my own heart to me.
2020 ( like the vision) is the start of a new chapter in my life. The first year in a new decade almost always means spectacular awesomeness for me. My energy is high, my will is strong and most importantly, I’m aware that time is actually on my side.
No masterpiece can be created in a rush or on an arbitrary deadline and that’s what I was trying to do with myself.
Rush my healing, enter into a race of life, I had no business being in, digesting other people’s challenges because I felt maybe that was the right guideline for me.
Today, I am grateful and so appreciative that I have the time and that I’ve created the lifestyle where I can sit in a field, soaking up the sun and let my words flow out to you. I can let you into my thoughts and offer my own advice to you easily.
So this year, the beginning of the roaring 2020’s, I realize that come what may, I am 100% that bitch. I’m the one who understands that everything in me is intuition first and I am more aware of what is best serving me. I choose to concentrate on that.
I choose to allow myself the pain of growing, to allow myself the grins of joys and to simply know that I am enough, all I have is enough and it is all beautiful.