There is just something about being called ‘ good’ and praised for existing that accelerates your heart-rate, turns you into a puddle and makes the person who just whispered those words of praise into your ears even hotter than they were a few moments ago.
We’re finally in an age where more and more people are being open and honest about having kinks and also admitting what they are; one of the lesser known kinks that has been gaining popularity is the very simple yet powerful ‘ praise kink’.
A kink, not to be confused with a fetish – which usually refers to a necessary behavior that a person needs in order to become aroused-, simply defined is a sexual activity that fall outside of sex that society traditionally considers acceptable (read: vanilla sex).
This can include anything from flogging, role play to breath play; the sky is the limit and the ones you try out is all up to you and your partner.
Praise kink, which falls under the category of Psychological play, is a complete 180 from the controversial Humiliation kink, where your partner uses derogatory language, including name calling and verbal abuse during intercourse.
“Intense language as a use of force can be just as intense, or even more intense, as consensually degrading physical sensations, such as impact play,” says sex educator Tina Horn, host of the podcast Why Are People Into That?!
Praise kinks on the other hand is all about complimenting and praising your partner.
In the land of BDSM, praise kinks are usually when a dominant deliberately praises his/her submissive for doing something good, for behavior that pleases the dominant or simply to compliment their partner.
This kink can also help the submissive to drop further into subspace (the mindset of one releasing their outer inhibitions and becoming subservient for the scene).
Praise kinks, usually include calling the sub, “good girl/ boy”, asking them to be “good for” the dominant and, rewarding them for obeying their dominant, especially during scenes with edging.
As abovementioned praise kinks are a part of emotional play, which falls under psychological BDSM.
Emotional play is often coupled with light Age Play, i.e calling the sub ‘Babygirl’ and the dominant, ‘Daddy’, and causes the submissive to have an emotional response to the words, whether they are humiliating or uplifting.
Praise kink is considered one of the softer forms of emotional play, because it does not fall into the harder and rougher categories required for masochism and sadism yet has been very useful to help subs get into the right head space and for coming back to themselves after a particularly intense scene, gently.
Praise kinks are being used more often to offset the humiliation play, as it elicits a cathartic response from the submissive that he/ she has been good, is being rewarded and also signals for them to further listen to the instructions of the dominant.
It has been said that everyone has a kink however, for healthy sex and for a truly amazing experience as you explore the varying sides of your sexuality, you and your partner have to talk about them and both agree to try out these experiences.
Consent is sexy and so is trust. They are both mandatory.
Both things that are needed as emotional play can create lasting scars, because both partners are opening themselves up and being vulnerable with each other.
Enjoy your kinks safely and always respect your partner’s needs and boundaries.
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