The Transformation- The First Step vs Your 100th.

Inspiration can sneak up and hit you over the head from just about anywhere at any time. Same thing with epiphanies and this week, I got a healthy dose of both, while watching a show on the E Network.

Ok, I know what you’re thinking, what could she possibly have been watching?

Well, it was Revenge Body with Khloe Kardashian. Yes, I love that show and I’ll tell you why, as you read on.

For one, the show, especially this season, has a focus on not just the goal of weight loss, but on the wholistic journey of lifestyle change the individual is undertaking and it really shows how serious deciding to commit to the process and journey is as a continuing to grow person.

When these participants come onto the show, they are not just there to lose weight, rather they are there for help in dealing with their own demons, asking for help from these professionals to see what they are really fighting with and help them to shed the chrysalis and emerge the beautiful butterfly they know they can be.

They are ready to not just work hard, but also find their rhythm again and I relate to that so much!

While the show focuses on workouts and meal plans, if you really tune into what the participants are sharing with you, you would hear just how much of a lifestyle change for the better they are going through.

And it is rough AF.

It is the arduous task of changing habits, of not running to your security blankets, it’s about mindset shifts, discipline and self love.

It’s not just doing an exercise, but committing to the entire process, and even as they cry and sweat and think long and hard about giving up, many of them don’t.

They make a decision to see it through, they make a decision to be honest with themselves and their trainers and you the viewer by the end of the episode see a person who has grown into their next level selves.

Exercise and diet require the mind to be present and for it to work just as hard as you do when you push those weights, when you do that cardio and when you eat the veggies.

If your mindset doesn’t allow you to adapt, then you simply won’t.


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what awaits you:

Ashlee spills on why seeing these amazing people work to change their lifestyle really inspires her.

Why it is so important to trust in the process and learn to love yourself all through it.

The key reason why your mindset is such a drivin force behnd lifestyle changes.

What Ashlee means by ‘ fighting dreamer’ and why it’s such an honour to be one.

Inspirational insights for when you want to give up on your dreams or pause or procrastinate awaits you right now.


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The Work Life Lie Revealed

“Do what you love and you will never work a day in your life.”

Can we talk about this statement please!

So I remember the first time I heard this magical quote, it was coming from the mouth of a very happy man who owned a taco food truck and I remember thinking ‘look at how freaking happy he is’ and I like everyone who was watching whatever show it was, started to melt at the idea and how true that seemed right then and there.

It hit me profoundly, because, yeah!- work shouldn’t be boring, stressful or make me want to cry just by thinking about it right?

Work should be something I look forward to, something I thoroughly enjoy doing day in and day out and something that allows me to learn new skills and then apply them. Work should be something that I am passionate about and that grows right along with me.

Then, no less than five seconds later, my old school training came back to me and all those amazing, magical thoughts I had about loving work, came crashing down like an empty glass being pushed off the table by a indifferent cat , impassively watching as the glass shatters upon impact to the cold tiled floor.

What could have been the thought that triggered this level of destruction?

“ But he doesn’t look like he makes a lot of money…and isn’t that food truck situation super risky and not financially secure?

And yeah, just like that I remembered every one of my teachings that had been ingrained in me about needing money,

needing my money to come from a secure and dependable source,

needing to make a whole lot of money

and the belief that a lot of money could only come to me if I was as endlessly industrious as those freaking ants…because no one wanted to be that slacker grasshopper and then be totally screwed!

(Even though if you looked at that story in a different light, the grasshopper played music for those ants and then the Universe provided for the grasshopper via those same ants).

And so I did what any normal, red blooded female who had been taught that life was hard and making money was the only thing that would make your whole world go round, I thought about my skills and talents, picked the ones that Society seemed to pay a reasonable amount for, that I didn’t hate and I applied for a job at all the places that I prayed would pay me.

I was not thinking about myself in terms of what actually landing this job would entail or even mean.

All I thought about was the fact that I had a University degree that I was now pretty sure I was actually never going to get a chance to use, three Associate degrees that I was definitely not going to gain money from and I needed to show my parents that I had not infact wasted time on the subjects that I had loved at the time.

So basically I needed a well paying job to justify my ‘higher education’ that I partly paid for with my temp job as a Sales Clerk in a High-end Shoes Store, also because I desperately did not want to continue to work in the shoe’s store after so many years of freaking study!

And for a while I admit that I was very happy! I felt as if I had cheated the system, because my job was perfect!

I wrote for a living and it was decent pay- though I wished it was more, even as I didn’t expect it to ever be and I got to learn new skills, meet new people and eventually move out of my parents place and into a shared space with my then boyfriend.


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So in a very real sense to my mind, “I was doing what I loved!” and it paid well enough.

And it was almost perfect, as perfect as my young brain could imagine it could get….until of course, it was not.

Until I was no longer doing what I loved, because the atmosphere had changed and I was starting to feel anxious, starting to realize that while I loved writing, meeting people, sharing their stories, I no longer enjoyed doing so in the environment I was doing it in.

So the catch to this fairy tale is that all too soon, the job brought with it all the stresses, pressures, drama and time constraints that I could not help but to shaft at, and I was now working at all hours, felt like I was no longer in control of my time or where I had to go for work and my boss had me on call always.

And the worst part was that I believed deeply that I would never get a better job or money making opportunity than this.

 So what was I going to do?

I genuinely did not like the ‘how’ of what I was doing anymore, but I felt as if all the reasons this felt so wrong to me were not actually valid enough for me to leave and so that level of impotence and anger built up in me, trapping me, stifling me and slowly I went from a happy person to one that was not and let’s just say it does not take very long for misery to infect all aspects of your life.

Eventually I realized that I was torturing myself for no reason and poisoning my own well of happiness, and all because I was terrified that this thing that I had outgrown was all I was ever going to have.

Why was it that I was placing everything over my own happiness?

Why was it that I was convinced that my happiness did not matter and needed to be sidelined in favour of bills and my superior’s needs?

One day, I remembered the quote: “Do what you love and you will never work a day in your life.”

And it truly hit me the significance of this quote as it relates to my own life.

It made me realize that I had sacrificed a lot of myself to my old training and I wanted to have new teachings.

I wanted to actually give myself permission to allow myself to ‘ do what I love’,  I wanted to be working for hours and hours on something I genuinely enjoyed because yeah that’s technically hard work, but I’d be smiling, I’d be happy and I would have no complaints.

I wanted to have to be dragged away from work, instead of being eager to get away from it and the most important thing I realized was that I owed it to myself and the rest of my life to have that experience.

This meant that I needed to find out what I loved to do, what I truly enjoyed and then to be brave enough to pursue it.

And this would not be based on how much money I thought it would bring, not on psyching myself up to do it and knowing in my soul I was settling, or that I was doing it to please others, while I found no pleasure in it.

I wanted to experience that quote- I wanted to love what I do and never feel like I was ‘working’ ie stressing, frustrated, wanting to escape it.

And to do that, I had to realize what I wanted for my life, not just financially, but on the real scale, the This is ME scale. I had to be brave enough to pursue a healthy relationship with myself where I got to know myself, my likes, dislikes, loves and desires and validate them.

I had to relearn the way I spoke to myself, the things I did, how I took care of myself, and allowed happiness to enter into my life.

This came with repetition, with patience, with the understanding of unconditional love, support and the importance of my own health.

This allowed me to clear away some of the misery I had been harbouring and to bring light into my life.

The more I did it the more I realized where my passions lied and I want that for you as well.

You deserve to allow yourself to feel truly happy, to feel that sensation emanating from your heart and spilling to fill up your body.

To wake up and smile because today you GET to do what you love and it easily supports your whole life.

The only question is : What are you waiting for to truly get to know yourself?


How My Epic Failures Allowed for a Fully Free Life

It never occurred to me that just 4 months after my 30th birthday I’d be moving back in with my parents, especially when I had successfully done all the things I had been told to accomplish and a bit more by age 27.

I was an amazing journalist who got to cover all the top shows and pageants, who was schmoozing with Ambassadors and got specially invited to their functions.

I was even one of the extremely few journalists to be allowed to cover an event in the depths of the American Embassy in Barbados all while making decent pay.

I lived with my husband who supported my dreams and wanted to happily build our family together and we had not too long moved from our starter home in a really nice community, into an amazing townhouse styled apartment which was even closer to his work.

My family both biological and the in laws, all got along and I received nothing but love from my husband’s family. His mom was like my second maid-of-honour!

My new neighbours were fun and awesome. And I was ecstatic when my friend Jax moved in next door and we had our wine and chill nights with one of our other neighbours, Jen, a working single mother of one.

I was living the dream of writing for a living, I fully owned my car  and was about to launch a new business with one of my best friends- turned sister (we got so extremely close that people really thought we could be twins- despite us looking nothing alike lol), while launching my own solo business in graphic design!

(read: Can you spell busy bee?)

So what the hell happened?!

How did I go from living that life, to moving back with my parents’ seconds away from being absolutely  destitute and willing myself  not cry because I was sure I would flood the parish, if not the whole country?

Turns out the things that look great on paper aren’t always that great or long lasting, particularly when they are not your END goals, but you decide you can settle for them.


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what awaits you

Ashlee takes you on a journey of how her seemingly awesome lifestyle, was not what it seemed.

We get insights from her job, the good, the bad and the reasons why she felt compelled into becoming an entrepreneur.

Ashlee gets vulnerable and heartbreakingly honest about how her marriage failed, the lessons she learnt from it and how it’s allowed her to build a much healthier and better future.

She talks about the journey of starting over from seemingly scratch and how she figured out to stop punishing herself for it.

She pinpoints the differences in her mindset then and now

How she learnt to forgive herself and allow a future filled with hope and renewed faith

She talks about her life now and the amazing things she is up to now

She talks about  the things she had to release and learn to enjoy her present.


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The thing that pulled me from the brink of energetic extinction!

I am so passionate about helping people gain clarity of self and nurture their growth mindset, that I literally made it my business.

My experience in this field started not surprisingly with my friends first, because they would come to me  and still do- for relationship advice, to vent and  to just have a safe, stress free sounding board.

And they would contact me at times when they just could not see past their own anger or mistake or was scared by something in their relationships and I would be the one they would either call or literally drive to visit and we’d have a session.

If they were by my house, we would go for a walk as I live in the country side and nature is awesome for heart to hearts or we would go to the beach and walk along the sand, listening to the waves crash against the shore, while they expressed what was bothering them.

And afterwards, they would thank me for really listening to them, for letting them pour out what they needed to and also for being honest in how I helped to guide them to reveal what was underneath their distress, which then helped them to solve their own predicament.

Lately, I’ve been working with more entrepreneurs, towards nurturing their growth mindset, which has been so crucial to them living the life they want overall and also in nurturing their own rising empire.

And while they may be business minded, they are all still human and they have been going through tough relationships times break-ups and family dramas all of which has been contributing to the blocks they have been experiencing in their lives, but the one thing that they all have in common, is the realization that they can have a better life.


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They can have a life they enjoy and that is not ruled by fear, anxiety and desperation.

They are realizing that they are indeed worthy of unconditional support,  and love and that it is safe for them to be honest with themselves about what is actually happening in their lives in that moment.

They are shedding old, draining paradigms and at their own pace, shifting into new, better serving ones.  They are learning the importance of emotional energy flow and self love and how this can and will impact their actions, decisions and overall life health.

It is my belief that the  world needs more people who are self aware, who are ready to be more positive and genuine with themselves and others, because then you don’t get the people who will waste your time, take pleasure in making others  feel less than, or will disrespect your boundaries.

You’ll get more people willing to help, willing to see how things can be solved instead of inflicting unnecessary pain and stress on others. More people will be willing to take responsibility for their actions and are aware that true power comes from being able to communicate and be honest up front, so we’ll have less life trolls.

And I’ve seen these kinds of changes within the people who I work with. I love it when they are able to see the big picture of a situation and are no longer limited to only their point of view and also when they realize that growing is an every day journey that they are more than up to.

It makes me so happy when they have given themselves the permission to be living the life they dream of and know that it is safe to go through life’s hurdles and know that this is just a challenge for them to solve on their way to further growth.

The funny thing is that I have been passionate about mindset work for a long time, but only truly began to see its real value and applying it to my own life, when I came to the abrupt decision that I had to no real choice but to leave my marriage.

 I was in shambles, doubting my worth, doubted my ability and was miserably cranky AF.

I felt like everything around me was crumbling, including my work, my social life, my health everything.  I was just tired.

And learning about the Law of Attraction and enrolling into my first online course on mindset and business started me along a much different and so much better path.

It took like months of real work, discipline and several mindset shifts for me to pull myself back from the brink of extinction and to realize that, this painful situation that I was dealing with in that moment, was not actually the end of my world, and that I had the choice to let all the poison out and begin to rebuild the life I felt had been burnt down.

That hope, alone was enough for me to really start getting my mojo back and not only did I start to feel better mentally, but I also got the strength to finally start to take care of myself, to release and resolve old stories.

Soon I was brave enough to not just help myself through one of the roughest most dangerous times of my life, but to also start a movement to help anyone who ever went through something similar or were on the journey towards self growth and needed genuine guidance, because while it seems easy to say, in real life, that ish is HARD WORK!


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How to Release Your Pent-up Emotions

There is a certain feeling you get right in the middle of your heart when you’re about to be ambushed by emotions you’d rather not deal with, specifically those you have been resolutely pushing down into the deep recesses of your mind as often as you can.

Here’s the funny thing about emotions, they  simply do not care how much you try to avoid them!

Trust me, whatever you are resisting emotions wise, will persist until you acknowledge, validate and finally release them.

Worry and frustration would slither into my head in the form of tension- a tightening around my forehead- leading to the kind of pressure that always threatened a headache, before releasing the floodgates to my insecurities and fears.

An answering call of frantic energy would then assail me and I have been known to call my friends in a miserable panic, saying I felt as if I was ‘ missing something’, or ‘needing just one win’ and of course ‘ not being able to focus’, because of this repressed energy.

It’s a kind of energy that is hard to explain, but once you’ve felt it, you know exactly what it is, the slippery slide to stress-thinking to becoming overwhelmed and you just feel ‘off’.

If you have ever felt like the above, then I have great news for you!

It’s time for you to release that pent-up emotion in your body that you’ve been trying to bury within yourself or just been straight up trying to avoid.

It’s time to release them by feeling them without any judgment, without attaching any meaning to them and by simply acknowledging that they are there and not fighting against them.

You release them by facing them, feeling them, realizing what they are trying to communicate to you and then release it all.

Releasing these emotions from your mental vault, will allow you to gain improved energy and more clarity, as well as the ability to ground yourself so that you can actually achieve the goals you want to.

The real challenges come when you are unwilling to face the emotions, because you are afraid or ashamed of what they could mean if you dared acknowledge them.

Another challenge arises when you aren’t even aware of what it is you actually need, and because of that, react by pushing more into the feelings and resulting limiting beliefs, creating more frantic energy and spiraling into the emotional abyss.

And that is the exact opposite of what you want to feel or think.

When it comes to emotions, you need to remember that they are mercurial and very fluid. You have the ability to flow through several emotions within a span of second, and each emotion comes with its’ own thought and reactive action.

The thing is, you decide how you react to your emotions and whether you attach significance to them, a meaning to them or even an action to them in those moments of feeling them.

Emotions are neither good or bad nor right or wrong.

They are in fact simply indicators of how a situation or event is triggering you at that moment. Emotions are indicators of how you are actually reacting to the presented stimuli. Every emotion you feel is valid and worthy of being acknowledged by you the person who is currently feeling them.

Acknowledging your emotions does not mean reacting, it means that you get to take a moment and realize what you are actually feeling towards that event or stimuli.

It’s the body’s way of alerting to you to the tone of the event/ situation/ person you are interacting with.

The purpose of acknowledging you emotions is not to fix them or make them go away- that’s you avoiding still- rather it’s to release their energy so you move from being blocked and overwhelmed to clear and mission focused again.

Ultimately, you decide which emotion fueled action if any, you will take.

So when you feel overwhelmed or like a storm is brewing in your head and body that simply means it’s time to look inwards and feel the feelings.

What I usually do and what I hope will also work for you is a light form of meditation. Please note, my idea of meditation is sitting quietly on my bed, sometimes with calming music, or with just the sound of the sea and simply being.

It always starts with me feeling anxious just being so still and doing nothing, but the more I feel like that or realize that I’m seeking distractions, it’s how I know that I need to reconnect with myself.

So I sit there, allowing my mind to zone away and drift, after I’ve made it clear that I am determined to be on this drive. I won’t lie.

It is not easy to just let your mind wander, because when you’re so accustomed to distracting yourself with work or TV or other activities, it does feel boring and weird to just day dream, yet it is one of the best ways to dive under the surface and see what is really brewing within yourself.

So let yourself get bored, frustrated. It’s ok to feel frustrated that your mind is wandering; you’re on the right track if that happens. It’ll feel like you’ve zoned out and your breathing will naturally align with your mental state, so just let go.

Sometimes focusing on one object that makes me feel calm helps me to let go easier and, I just mean looking at it and allowing my mind to wander off, without trying to pick, choose or avoid any of the thoughts that come up in that state.

When you’re ready, ask yourself, ‘What is underneath this feeling?” “What am I avoiding feeling in this moment?”

When you get the answer, allow yourself to look at it, converse and understand where it stems from, what it is trying to tell you.

You may feel anxiety tightening around your head, fear creeping into your veins or stress at something you feel unfinished, whatever it is, acknowledge it, and see what it is signaling to you.

Then release it.

This happens when you acknowledge the emotion, and the thing it is trying to signal in you. Once emotions have been acknowledged, they basically release themselves.

We run into trouble when we try to fight, bury or cling to one emotion, feeding into it and making it into something more than it was meant to be by adding our insecurities and attaching meaning to it.


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The Art of the Breakdown

If you’re lucky it’ll strike when you are at home, in a quiet space alone. If you’re doubly lucky, there will be a nice glass of wine on the table next to you when it happens.

However, if you are in anyway similar to me, it will strike out of the blue and wherever it damn well wants to.  It will start with a weird desolate sensation in your heart and spread to your stomach, which will trigger the need for emo music, a tragic sing-along and will end in your brain feeling fuzzy as your heart seems to throw up and tears squeeze themselves out of your eye-sockets.

It will feel like a compulsion and your body will straight up call mutiny in its impulsive need to betray you. There are no commands that work to halt the roar of the emotions that will come to the surface and unleash themselves in an insane bid to embarrass you or to plunge you deeper into the despair.

The despair is the safe part.

Once there, you can gain some sort of control over the floodgates and can work to close them just a little. Once there you can feel the ice threatening to glaze over your heart and in many ways you welcome the numbness, the cold and the misery.

The breakdown is different for everyone and for some, it’s a quiet, pain wracked silent crying jag that ends with you forcing yourself into the shower and passing out from the floaty feeling of alcohol pulsing through your veins.

In other cases, it’s a loud awful thing. It’s animalistic in its force, strength and power and there is nothing you can consciously do, but hold on for the ride of insanity and physical releases of aggression.

Both scenarios point to just how much you’ve been avoiding the feelings, or the situation and how much your body and mind are over you and your avoidance tactics.

When confronted with distasteful or unwanted feelings, situations and people, our minds can shut down and to save ourselves from pain- like we’re naturally coded to do-, we seal off those emotions.

The problem is, the more we resist them, the more they persist. Gain in momentum, frequency and power. Gain in brute force and will lay siege to your body until you let them out.

Emotions are energy, they are powerful and they fuel our actions, behaviors and desires. Even those of us who are not in tune with our emotions on a conscious level, or feel devoid of them are still acting and reacting to the stimuli. Felt or not, what we do is predicated on how we feel.

The breakdown is when you’ve been holding too much in, when you’ve not been dealing with the emotions and it ironically is also when you have decided to stop running, hiding and fighting them. The breakdown comes when you’ve decided to confront and resolve them as well.

It’s just there for a different time period and the frequency is different.

I like to think of crying and certain breakdowns- of course there is a scaling system- as the body and mind’s way of purging. Think of it as an emotion detox if you will. And the more you fight against it, the longer it will take to be completed.

So sometimes, you do just have to let it all out, and there are hundreds of productive, constructive and efficient ways to release without going into full fledged breakdown city, mind you, once you’re there, there is also many ways to go through it.

The best advice I can give you, is to go through it. Feel the feelings, don’t force yourself to make sense of it, just let it wash out of you.

Help it along with music or whatever you need to and let it all out.

 Let the epiphanies you’re going to get out of the experience flow to you.

This is not the time to rush or try to control anything; this is the time to release.

If yours is more on the scale of aggression, I suggest listening to whatever gets your hyped and involve yourself in some form of mixed cardio and weights workout.

For me it’s weight training, other times it’s dancing, it’s all about the emotion that’s triggering the breakdown.

To summarize: breakdowns are not always bad. Release and resolve the emotions so that afterwards you feel better, clearer, less blocked and joyous.

Detox and then meditate, on what just happened. Always do so responsibly and do not hurt yourself or others. Learn from the experience and continue to grow.


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How to Stop Depriving Yourself of Happiness

I used to believe that one of the reasons I was not ‘happy’ was because I did not know what would make me actually happy.

I knew of all the things that would make me feel sad, disappointed, angry and stressed out. Those things I could rattle off like an expert when asked or slip them into any conversation surrounding the ‘What I do not want in my life’ list.

Yet, for all that I knew with pinpoint laser clarity what I did NOT want in my life, I had no idea what I truly did.

I was still unsure about how and what I wanted to spend my days, I was unsure of what would really give me pleasure, make me smile and just give me that boost of joyousness those High vibe people were talking about over the internet.

Then I realised with a start one day, as I caught myself actively dismissing something that would have actually made me feel better, that it was not that I did not know what made me smile, or made me happy… it was that I was actively burying them and choosing to not take action towards doing the things that invoked those happy feelings.

For me and when I asked, a lot more people, it seemed as if  the concept of ‘Happiness‘ was easier to deal with if we allowed it to be a pipe-dream. If we convinced ourselves that happiness was conditional, then when things got rough, we could use this emotion as a cop out and something to day dream about .

To say, ‘this sucks because I’m not happy. I just want to be happy,” even as we know full well we’re not going to truly put in the effort to actually put true happiness into our lives.

Happiness is not a one-off kind of thing, it’s a state of being and it does not negate other emotions. You can be living a very happy life and still get upset or angry about things – trivial or otherwise…, the real difference is your mindset.


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what awaits you:

What genuinely happy people know and do.

Seven (7) key things you learnt when you were younger that are actively blocking you from receiving joy and happiness easily and simply into your life.

Ashlee breaks down how to stop depriving yourself of happiness daily and embrace it instead.

The shocking and neccessary role your intuition plays in this process.

The existential questions that keep you small

How to move forward from your well learnt limiting beliefs, so you can achieve your goals, your way.


4 Reasons You Should Be Proud of Your Mistakes

You’re not perfect, you’ve fucked up and honestly you’ve also been fucked over.

Who hasn’t?

At some point in our perfectly imperfect human lives, we’ve either been the villain, the victim or the hero in a given situation and had to make decisions on how to go forward after the fact.

Not all of our decisions in life have been great nor had the outcomes we would have preferred, but there they are and there they stand, still impacting on our life stories.

We have all made mistakes in life however, for those of you who have realized what your mistakes are and have taken ownership for them, then cheers to you!

You are on your way to your next level self, and you’ve realized the real way we should view our mistakes. There are several reasons that you should be proud of all the mistakes you’ve made in your life and while that may seem slightly insane, it’s the absolute truth.

I can almost hear you asking: Why should I be PROUD of my mistakes?  I should be ashamed and feel guilt over them, not anything else!

Especially since you feel as if these horrific events now define who you are, when it seems as if you can never live down what happened or when this mistake caused so much pain and suffering in your life and possibly others…When you have yet to forgive yourself for making them in the first place?

Let me help shed some light on your gloom and doom and show you why making mistakes is not the end of the world, just another character development chapter in your autobiography.


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what awaits you:

The 4 huge reasons you should be proud of your mistakes. eah you read that right.

How mindset shifts and healing will lead you to a much healthier and wiser lifestyle

How moving on form these mistakes and living in the present are exactly what the Mindset Coach ordered.

How understanding your path and you mistakes will help not only you, but others.

How these 4 reasons will show you a new level of awakening you didn’t even know you had.

What understanding your mistakes says about you and your future


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The day I let go of my safety line and dove deep

I remember the first time I did something I was afraid to do and was still afraid of even as I did it. I remember the first time I jumped into the deep end into cold uncharted waters, on purpose.

It was one of the first swimming lessons I had as a teen and I remember being super excited and at the same time scared of the unknown because I was very new to swimming in general.

I, like most islanders love the sea and love to frolic in the turquoise waters however, we never venture further than where our feet could firmly be planted on the shifting sands, because  ironically most of us can’t swim, or  at least swim  well.

So there I was with my class-mates who had all signed up for swimming as our P.E elective. I was one of the shorter ones in the group and while I loved and was drawn to the cold, beautifully blue, pool water my anxiety sky rocketed when our Coach marched us straight past the kiddie pool- my comfort zone- and over to the ‘Adult pool’ as we had christened the Olympic sized, competitive pool.

And I thought I was going to throw up, when she lined us all up at the deepest end of the pool and grabbed a long pole with a hook at the end, looking at us with a slightly mischievous smile on her face. I tried to listen to her instructions, but my heart was beating way too loudly when I heard her explain that we would be jumping into the deep waters of the pool, one by one and touching the floor of the pool.

She told us that it would be safe and would help us to get more comfortable in the water. I heard her words, but really I was overcome by my own brain screaming at me to turn tail and run away.

I stayed. I stayed and watched as one after the other, my class mates jumped into the water. I watched as they became submerged blurs and then popped back up, only to be scooped to safety by our Coach, or guided to the stairs.

All too soon it was my turn. I was the last. Dammit.

So I walked to the edge of the pool, feeling my poor heart try to lurch away from the sure danger that was me about to jump into the deep end of this water, knowing I couldn’t even thread water, even as I knew I had a safety line.

And then I was jumping.

My heart frozen by my brazen actions and then I was submerged by the cold water.  And I could not touch the bottom. We all held onto the hook of the pole as we got into the water, and in that moment, when I realized that I was too short to touch the bottom, and that the water was pushing me back up, I made an executive decision.

I let go of the hook- my one safety line- and pushed myself to the bottom of the pool. Touched the tiles and then jumped to get to the hook again.

In that moment of snap decision, it was no longer about my fear; it was about proving to myself that I could do this thing. It was showing myself that I was safe, that my trust in myself and my coach was not unfounded. It was to show myself that I could follow through.

My coach was impressed by my determination, if a bit scared by my decision.

And I felt lighter than I had ever felt in a really long time in my young life. I felt buoyant and I felt fearless but mostly, I felt inspired.

There have been many times since that clear and defining moment in my life, where I felt again like I was on the precipice of jumping into the deep end. And I have not always been ready for it, because I what I knew about what would happen if I did.

I knew that jumping in meant change. It meant that no matter what happened, good or bad, I would no longer be the same person I was at the moment just before I jumped.

I hesitated a lot, because I could see the waters, be them still and deep or, rolling with waves, I knew that once I jumped in, I would have to make a decisions about my survival, and I would have to take action to live and in doing this, I would have to grow, I would have to be better and I would have to make it all the way to the other side no matter what.

So sometimes I stay on the precipice and just look at the water beneath me. I allow the fear to grip me, to hold me and encourage me to rethink my life decisions. I stay looking at the water and fearing all that it would mean, because I’m afraid to take that next step, life line or no.

And in those moments, where I feel trapped, stuck and paralyzed, I force myself to remember the times that I was brave enough to let go of the safely line and achieve my goal, even though it was my first time in the deep end and I remember that I survived it all.  I remember that in those moments of calm and trust that I would not only survive, but I’d blossom and it would be ok.

It would be ok, to allow myself that change, that metamorphosis and as sacred of the plunge and all that it would mean, I would be free.

And it’s enough to challenge my initial fear, enough for me to assess my own self- trust levels, my own belief that I have done enough due diligence to make sure it is safe to jump…enough to take a deep breath and dive right in!

What about you?

Do you have those moments where you are afraid to dive into a new idea, a new goal, a decision that will impact you way of life?

Do you remember anytime in your life where you were brave enough to dive in and fierce enough to decide that no matter what you’d survive, that you’d flourish?


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Sometimes It All Sucks & It’s Ok

Sometimes, all you feel to do is cry, and rage and scream and the urge is so strong, it takes over your whole body!

Sometimes you want to curl up on the kitchen floor and drown your sorrows in your fave alcohol or in your fave comfort foods.

Sometimes positive platitudes are enough to make you  want to commit acts of violence and there is no real reason why…

Sometimes my Luvs, you are simply human-

…Human in a world that seems to delight in chewing you up and spitting you out….slowly.

A world that others keep telling you, you have the power to control, but every experience that pops into your head reinforces that this control is true for other people. Never you.

You’re the one who just cannot catch a freaking break, you’re the one who seems to have committed some terrible crime in a past life. You’re the one that keeps being kicked down, again and again.

So what are you supposed to do?

What do you do?

The latest motivational/ inspirational  post you probably read told you to not give up!

It most likely encouraged you to persevere and to not let these feelings take control of you. It probably reminded you that you should be grateful for all you have, because there are others with so much less and it tried to motivate you to believe in yourself and to just keep on going.

And you probably looked at that post and wondered what kind of happily ever after hippie person wrote that ish.

Persevere? Haven’t you been doing that ish for like forever?

When is the change supposed to happen anyway?

When is it YOUR time to shine, have all the things and feel better about your life?

When is it your time to be abundant, to feel as if you are in control of your life and time and finances?

What exactly are you doing so wrong that these others seemed to have perfected?

Because right now, in this moment, you are seconds away from flinging your hands up, and caving to defeat.

And it will not be pretty.

You are seconds away from screaming at the fury and angst that has been building up within you but worse of all, you are moments away from settling into your surrender.

Moments away from deciding that all your naysayers were right and your end goals are silly, too big or just not for you. You may be one final push away from thinking you are a failure and that you are neither good enough nor worthy enough and that is why you keep on failing…

And really, all you want to know is ‘How do I make this better? How do I make me better?’

If no one else knows how you are feeling right now, I freakin do.

I know the days of watching others get the attention, praise, money and validation for their ‘bravery’, talents and  dedication.

I know the headaches, backaches and restless sleep of wracking your brain trying to figure out what you need to do, that you’re STILL clearly not doing, because no matter what, you’re not the one getting those amazing results.

And I know how easy it is to straight up start blocking those positive a-holes who keep sprouting rainbow-like possibilities from their posts.

Seriously, EFF them, -even though you are also reading their posts and secretly wishing it was all as easily doable as they made it seem for you too.

All I can say to you, my friend, is that this is normal and natural. 

Of course you’re going to feel frustrated and stressed out when you’re trying to shape your life into someone else’s image.

Of course your life is going to feel empty, if you’re focusing on your problems and what is lacking in your life, rather than what is enriching it.

Of course you’re not going to be sure what you deep down want, because you’ve been actively running, fighting and burying those intuitive nudges so deep down in your psyche, that now that you’re ready for them to guide you, you no longer recognize your own voice.

And of course you’re going to be seeking comfort when you’ve been trying to prove that you are worthy, prove that you can make those important in your life happy and be what you think they need you to be, even at the detriment of actually being and living your life as yourself…

So yes, all of these feelings, emotions and resulting frustrating situations are all normal when you are actively living a life that is not at all in alignment with your true self or purpose.

So again, what to do?

First, we let it all out!

Rage around!  Let the pain and frustration out.

Scream!

Find a sport that allows you to HIT something or exert yourself.

Lift weights and do cardio exercises.

Rage Journal!

Let it all out, exhaust your emotions and let yourself release it all, so that you can come back with a leveled, less pent up brain and then, only then, refocus.

Refocus on your ULTIMATE goals, the ones that are constantly in your mind and makes you so happy and excited that your freaking heart skips a beat while thinking about them.

This gets easier, the more you reconnect to WHO you are and what you need in your life to make you feel so much better consistently!

Release all the ‘I did this already’ and the ‘I can’ts’ and the ‘I ‘m just so freakin done with this’ and ‘what will people think…’ and ‘what if..?’

Screw it all.

Release the rage; refocus on your goal, de-stress by doing something fun and let yourself recover.

Tomorrow, or even later- depends on how fast you listen to your intuition-, you will find the path you need to.

When it’s time, you will be able to recommit and know that it is safe to go after what you truly desire. In time you will learn that sometimes it all sucks and it’s not a bad thing.

You’ll learn from your mistakes and come out so much stronger, wiser and patient from it all.

It is safe to feel it all and to react and to respond and to take a moment and to come right back with an improved strategy.


Up next, shop our self-help book Level Up Journal Prompter

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