Why We Are Into the Praise Kink

There is just something about being called ‘ good’ and praised for existing that accelerates your heart-rate, turns you into a puddle and makes the person who just whispered those words of praise into your ears even hotter than they were a few moments ago.

We’re finally in an age where more and more people are being open and honest about having kinks and also admitting what they are; one of the lesser known kinks that has been gaining popularity is the very simple yet powerful ‘ praise kink’.

A kink, not to be confused with a fetish – which usually refers to a necessary behavior that a person needs inorder to become aroused-, simply defined is a sexual activity that fall outside of sex that society traditionally considers  acceptable, (read: vanilla sex).


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WHAT AWAITS YOU:

Find out more about why this kink is setting bedrooms aflame

Discover what is meant by ‘psychological play’

Sex Educator, Tina Horn also weighs in on this new kinky trend

Are Praise kinks only for BDSM? Find out in this post!

Learn more about different kinks and what ‘drops’ are.


5 Ways Your Best Friends Set the Standards for Your Lover

Let’s be honest: There is no such thing as ‘Just Friends’,  in fact, the people who you choose to be your confidants and spend your time with  are very important people.

They are the ones who you trust, who you share your victories and failures with and they are the ones who you fully expect to have your back at all times and its all mutual.

There is an inner scale of friendship, that we all adhere to whether we admit to it or not and it runs from acquaintances, friends, good friends, close friends, to best friends, which we use to establish the level of connectivity, and vulnerability we display around each respective friend label.

(Am I wrong? Didn’t think so)

You know how awesome your friends are, the decisions you both make to ensure your relationships grow  happily, and the level of deep trust that you are consistently nurturing  ( especially your BFF’s)  so is it any surprise that these people who you have chosen to be in your inner sanctum highlight the standards  to which you must hold your romantic partner?

Nope, that makes sense!

Afterall the people you have bestowed the honour of ‘good friends’ and ‘best friends’ are relationships that are near and dear to your heart always… so why wouldn’t the person you are having sex with and linking lives not have similar qualities and show signs of care?

There is absolutely no reason.

The following are the five ways in which your BFF’s are setting the standards for the kind of behaviours and beliefs your partner should embody!


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what awaits you:

The TOP 5 ways your BFF’s set the gold standard for your partners

Kim Panganiban, LMFT, Certified Gottman Therapist, gives her insights on the partner you’re looking for.

Author of “Therapy in Focus: What to Expect from CBT for Social Anxiety Disorder” Arlin Cuncic, MA, sings the many beneficial praises behind close social bonds.

We break down the phenomenon of ‘ NO SEX INTIMACY’.

The real reason your partner has to get along with your friends revealed.


Next Up, Shop this amazing eBook, More Than Friends


Dating Practices to Keep Your Relationship LIT

Gazing into each other’s eyes, getting lost for hours, proudly holding hands, making out like your partner is your lifeline, wanting to be in their presence often and to smell like them?

Yeah, those were the good old first days of the relationship right?

Now tho, you’re like passing ships in the night, and you don’t talk nearly as much as you used to and if you think about it, sex has been infrequent, and just not as good as you swore it used to be.

So what the hell happened?

Life did.

After the all consuming honey-moon phase, we tend to settle into a routine and a rhythm with our partner, especially if you are living with them and things you used to make time for change, the way you interact change and the way you think about your partner also changes, sometimes for the best, but in many cases, we become complacent.

You feel safe and comfortable in your love, in the fact that you are loved and your brains start telling you that your lover isn’t going anywhere, so now you can focus on some of the other things that life has been throwing your way like missiles lately.

It’s normal and natural even, however, if you stay on this course, you will find yourself in a rut, your bond with your lover will start to fray, because just like a plant needs water, light and music to grow, your bond also needs tender, loving care  and maintenance …


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What’s awaiting you

The five oldies but fire things you can do right now to burn the passion hotter

Renowned coach, Tony Robbins, weighs in on the truth about real communication

101 Ways to Flirt author, Susan Rabin gives key flirting insights, you may be overlooking

Caila Quinn, Travel Blogger, talks about feeling young again and how that really spices things up in any relationship

Is touching still in? Find out in this post.

Also what could Dianne Grande Ph.D. mean by ’emotional connectedness’ as it relates to this post?


Why Did I Like You?

Maybe you’re at a café, or talking a walk in the park, enjoying the sun or maybe you’re aimlessly scrolling through your favorite social media accounts, and then wham! It happens; your ex appears out of nowhere.

Like a fat, grey cloud about to unleash rain on your sunshiny day, he/ she pops up in your field of vision ominous and carefree. And whether you have an interaction or not, as you take in his/ her features, you honestly begin to wonder, ‘Why did I like you?’

This is a question that on its own may seem petty or even angry, but it’s a very good question. What was it about your exes that appealed to you?

Now we all know that we have a checklist of qualities and attributes that we are looking for in our partners, yet most still site incompatible personalities and morals as the major reasons the relationships dissolve.

What is even more interesting is the realization that most of us have a ‘ dating type’ and according to a study conducted at the University of Toronto, people  despite their best  intentions  to date outside of that type, some can’t help but to gravitate to similar partners.  

Lead author Yoobin Park, a PhD student in the Department of Psychology in the Faculty of Arts & Science at U of T says, “It’s common that when a relationship ends, people attribute the breakup to their ex-partner’s personality and decide they need to date a different type of person.  “Our research suggests there’s a strong tendency to nevertheless continue to date a similar personality”.

Co-author Geoff MacDonald, a professor in the Department of Psychology at U of T, concurs, noting “The degree of consistency from one relationship to the next suggests that people may indeed have a ‘type’. And though our data do not make clear why people’s partners exhibit similar personalities, it is noteworthy that we found partner similarity above and beyond similarity to oneself.”

So then why do you have this dating type?

 James Green, a certified love coach and author tells Bustle that life is all about patterns, including what we eat, the way we dress and even the side of the bed we sleep on and dating is no exception.

“When you begin your ‘dating career’ it’s a lot like a record that has yet to be recorded. Still smooth. As you begin to have romantic relationships, ridges begin to form. Depending on the length of time you spend in these relationships and the impact (positive or negative) they have on you, that will determine how deep these ridges become,” says Green.

It may seem quite crazy to think that after a series of bad relationships that you wouldn’t start trying to stay away from those who are ‘wrong for you’ and in truth, consciously that is exactly what you begin to do, the problem however is that “subconsciously, an imprint has been left by them that we may not be fully aware of,” Green says.  And that is one of the reasons you will find yourself subconsciously being attracted to people who are similar.

So how do we stop this pattern of unhappiness?

There are a few psychology based theories that may help you to move from your past dating type and move to a new, more compatible one.

Unsurprisingly, it all starts with inner work, self awareness and empathetic healing.  Humans choose things that feel comfortable and normal, regardless of if it’s toxic or unfulfilling and this is especially the case when you are seeking healthy relationships, but unhealthy ones are all you know.

While it may seem easy in theory to accept the person who is willing to enter into a healthy relationship with you, the actual truth is that the reality of it is scary, and leads to fear and insecurities raising their heads which leads to self sabotage and reverting to situation that feel more familiar.

To avoid a return trip to the relationship bad lands licensed professional clinical counselor who specializes in trauma-focused therapy, ” Maryann W. Mathai, suggests, “Ask yourself whether this feels familiar or uncomfortable,” she says. “Explore who else in your life makes you feel this way and whether you get your needs met in those relationships.” If not, it’s best to leave that situation alone”.

As you have guessed, the key to unlocking your new relationship ‘dating type’ is to move through your past to the real root of why you look for what you do in your romantic and even platonic relationships.

The past leaves imprints on our body and mind and in order to fully live freely and happily, it is important to learn how to process and learn from these experiences.

“Romantic relationships can serve as surrogate relationships for ones that didn’t turn out so well earlier in our lives,” Erika Martinez, Psy.D., clinical psychologist who specializes in helping people get unstuck in love, work, and life, tells Bustle.

Usually something about the type of people you date reminds you in some way of someone you’ve had a difficult relationship with in your past, including parents, siblings, deep yet turbulent friendships to name a few and since the brain is always looking for ways to resolve drama, you could find yourself in these relationships, as a way for you to subconsciously resolve the past drama with that person in your new relationship.

“By being in a relationship with someone similar, you’re making an effort to psychologically heal the wounds of that past relationship,” Martinez says. “The issue is you’re likely to get hurt again, which only re-wounds you.”

Heather Z. Lyons, PhD, licensed psychologist who specializes in individual and couples therapy, adds, “We recreate the past in current relationships by ‘picking, provoking, or projecting.’ That is, we might pick someone similar to our ex or early caregiver, provoke them to act in ways similar, or project.”

This is where introspection comes in and saves the day, especially since you cannot change the past but you can heal it by taking the time to become aware of your patterns and making the conscious decision to resolve those wounds, thus allowing yourself to set new, healthier dating patterns, from a much healthier and safer mental state.


Next Up shop The Lust and Love Value Pak .


Revealed: The Secret No one is Telling You About Dating

If you’re single, looking for your soul mate and ready to just be in the right, caring and loving relationship already, but somehow keep attracting toads or worse, people who are just shy of what you’re looking for, I’ve got some truth for you.

The unvarnished truth is that you are just too picky!

Or at least, that’s what too many friends, relatives and articles will tell you when you finally give in and try to find the antidote to your chronic single-itis, but is that true?

Are you in fact being too picky about who you decide to give your heart to, are you being too quick to dismiss the person who is so close to your internal heart checklist, but just not fully up to scratch?

Should you simply settle for what is working right now and overlook some of the quirks that are slowly driving you insane, because ‘no one is perfect?’

The real question you’re asking : Is it actually a bad thing to be too selective or ‘picky’?


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WHAT AWAITS YOU:

Why the negative connotations of being called ‘ picky’ is messing up your ability to date proper prospects.

Ashlee talks about her own experience with being ‘ too picky’ and breaking down the stereotype.

Getting clear on what you’re actually looking for : mate or fun friend.

Several powerful questions to help you shed your ‘too picky’ mantle.

Why being selective is healthy, wise and all about your boundaries.

Dr Seth Meyer breaks down what ‘healthy picky’ is and it’s exactly what you need.

Life Coach, Emma Staddon also weighs in on healthy relationships and the significance of inner work.


Good On Paper Won’t Cut It Anymore

Has this ever happened to you?

You meet a person and they are amazing as  they check off just about 80% of the things on your Potential Partner Must Haves checklist, but for some reason, you just can’t seem to fully fancy them?

Or

You meet a person and they are not at all what you would have wanted on paper, but man, you simply cannot quit them?

Yeah.

It’s like the world has gone topsy-turvy, but what could this mean?

According to the dating experts, it means it’s time to update your checklist and throw out the old one.

Here’s why.

We all have a Must Have Checklist (don’t even try to lie and say you don’t) that  we expect potential suitors to tick off, as proof that we are compatible in our minds,  but what happens when the Must Have Checklist is actually not YOUR checklist, instead it’s the one your parents, close friends and society have concocted for you?

Can you be happy with that? Would that list actually have on the things that best serve you and that satiates your unique needs?

 Dating is already an endurance game, but how are you to find your actual partner, if your benchmarks are not actually yours to begin with?

Let’s talk about what ‘looking good on paper’ actually means and why it’s totally screwing up your chances of living with Prince(cess) Charming.


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WHAT AWAITS YOU:

Dating expert and coach Meredith Golden breaks down what ‘ looking good on paper’ actually refers to and it’s a real eye-opener.

Annie Foskett, Contributor for Elite daily, talks condidly about why she doesn’t care for the ‘ good on paper ‘ types anymore.

Tracy Schorn of Chump Lady, gives great insights into dating culture and why self knowlede is your best friend.

4 powerful questions to ask yourself to clarify your actual type and what you are looking for in a relationship.


9 Digital Date Night Ideas For Your Weekend

The call to stay home could not be louder these past few weeks, as the world works to stop the spread of the Covid-19 pandemic, but what does that mean for date night?

Most of us are on quarantine lock down and practicing social distancing like the bosses we are, so that means unless your boo lives with you, you’ve suddenly found yourself in a long distance relationship.

And having been in one myself for a while I can tell you it is not at all easy, however, there are still many ways to hang out, see each other and most importantly, have date nights!

This weekend, here are a few digital ideas that could be awesome for your boo, your social circle or if you prefer self dates!


Listen to a Book Together

Tired of Netflix and Chilling, then why not try listening to a book together, for a cozy night in? Grab the wine, the blanket, your mobile and your Kindle, because Amazon Audible has you covered! Pick a book and let it play out, while you share in this quiet moment. (This can also work for children, teens and just about anyone.)  Here’s the link: https://stories.audible.com/discovery

Dance Party

I’ve noticed as I scroll through social media that there are a few DJ’s who are holding living room dance parties online. I’m all into it. Imagine prepping your own drinks, logging into the lounge and dancing as crazy as you want, while the DJ earns his rep by playing all the hot tracks in his\ her unique way?

If you’re not into the DJ scene, then do what I’ve been and call up your friends over whatsapp/skype/Zoom and let your Spotify/ Youtube playlist blast! Share it with your friends and get to burning your calories. This also works for karaoke parties.

Tour 17 Museums in Europe Virtually

Always wanted to visit some of the most amazing and intricately curated museums in the world, but ohhh the ticket price and time fam! Well now you can. Visit the Lourve The Grevin Museum, The Qui Branly Museum all in Paris as we lal as the Le Rijksmeseum, the Van Gogh Museum in Asterdam and the Pergamon Museum in Berlin among many, many others. Check out this link here:

Catch a Broadway Show

For a limited time you can stream Broadway musicals and plays for free online. Catch the playin of “Cats”, “Gypsy”, “Sweeney Todd,” “Lady Day at Emerson’s Bar and Grill,” “A Night with Janis Joplin,” “Ann,” “Driving Ms. Daisy,” and more.

Stream BroadwayHD here: https://www.broadwayhd.com/

Visit Disney Land Virtually

Want to spend some time enjoying the lovable theme parks of Disneyland? You still can. You can virtually enjoy Magic KingdomHollywood Studios, and even Disney World’s global Epcot “countries.”  “YouTube is filled with rollercoaster ride recordings that let users envision themselves on attractions at Disney resorts, from the Incredicoaster at Disney’s California Adventure park to the “Frozen” Ever After ride at Walt Disney World” sites an article in the Insider .

Visit The Zoos and Aquariums

The Monterey, California, aquarium is giving visitors a virtual look at its colorful sea creatures via free live camera streaming. Animal lovers can zen out to jellyfish or watch penguins waddling in their habitat. The California zoo has pre-recorded and live video streams showing koalas, apes, pandas, penguins, and other creatures that offer endless hours of entertainment and fascination. 

Let Google Be Your Driver

Thanks to Google’s Street View feature., you can get  panoramic shots of the stunning landscape of the Royal Botanic Gardens, as well as Disney World in Orlando, Florida, and Disneyland in Anaheim, California to name a few fun places.

Google’s online Arts & Culture activation includes a program called “The Hidden Worlds of the National Parks”  which features five national parks, including Hawai’i Volcanoes National ParkCarlsbad Caverns National Park in New Mexico, Bryce Canyon National Park in Utah, Kenai Fjords National Park in Alaska, and Dry Tortugas National Park in Florida.  If you’re a lover of the theatre you can also check out these performing arts centers around the world via Google Arts & Culture.

Take a Class or Course Together

There are tons of online courses and Youtube ‘How-To’ videos that you can view and create together. From cooking , cocktail lessons and art classes, there is no limit to what new project you and your peeps can do together!

 Digital Dinner

Technology thankfully has progressed to where you can infact have dinner together! Be it via Facebook live calls, Zoom meeting calls or via any other conference/ personal calls software, you can set it all up. Facebook portals makes it even easier to eat, talk, laugh and exercise with your people. So don’t feel lonely, you are so very connected.

Shop Facebook Portals:


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