Life it seems is a master of going off the rails the moment you let your guard down, or at least, that is how it feels sometimes, when things just don’t work out even remotely in the vicinity of possibility you had prescribed for it.
I grew up in Barbados, hearing the saying ‘Man plans and God laughs’ and if I’ve learnt anything at all over the last three years, it’s the veracity of that saying, along with the bitter realization that I am not in control of even 10% of the things I tried so hard to hold dominion over.
Was it a terribly bitter pill to swallow?
Yes, yes it was.
And I fought against swallowing it, much like a toddler does, head shaking, feeble hands coming up to ward off the oncoming pill to tightly buckled in lips.
And fight as I might, run and hide as I tired, it did nothing to belie the truths that were battering with typhoon like strength at door of my mind and life.
In the end, I found relief not in the belief that I could control people or things or even my cats, but in letting some of the pillars in my life crumble and shatter onto the ground. I found relief in being honest with myself, my wants, true desires and letting go of the ‘old me’.
A caterpillar will never become a butterfly if it does not allow itself the pain of change, if it does not allow that life as a flightless worm to recede and embrace the transformation of wings and new diet, complete with a whole new perspective on life.
And so, that’s what I had to do. Relinquish my death grip on my caterpillar self and trust in God, in the cosmic energy that he placed here that I was going to be ok, that these set-backs delays and the things that threatened to turn me greener than the wicked witch of the West was all steps in my journey to my ultimate truth.
And my truth, was that no matter what happened, so long as I believed my intuition, and kept going, growing, learning and letting things go, could I turn into the beautiful blue butterfly, I was always destined for and live that very new yet totally intrinsic life.
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