In this episode, Ashlee is delving into the world of break ups and questioning when is the right time to break up and what is the best mood to actually cut the cord. Should you do it impulsively or should you do it when you’ve really given it a thorough think through? Warning: There may be cussing.
Should we be so hyper focused on problem solving? Should we forget the problems and re-focus on the goal we are out to achieve in the first place and find a new path towards achieving it? Ashlee talks more about realizing why she needs to truly focus on what she is giving her attention to and how it’s going to change your world. Warning: There may be cussing.
Ashlee talks about the ugly truth behind the attitude of gratitude mindset and why it does not bring abundance. She also breaks down why this one thing is causing more stress and drama in your life, rather than making it miraculously easier. Warning: There may be cussing.
Ashlee talks about her concept of happiness, how to stop depriving yourself of happiness and how to stop forcing the stars to align. She breaks down why she felt happiness needed prerequisites and why she is over that way of thinking and releasing envy and comparison. Warning: There may be cussing.
It was a latent truth, that while I had always known was a part of me, I had nonetheless worked for years to hide from its power when I could and when that didn’t work the way I wanted, I started to distract myself away from it.
It was too much for me to fight and while I would win a battle or two, I expected that this truth would win the war and that was why I only ever allowed myself to look at the small things, to fight those things, to convince myself those symptoms of the real pandemic was enough.
Yet, like all truths there is only so much running and hiding you can do, before it is staring right back at you, demanding you acknowledge it for what it is and to start the healing process.
I had run for as long as I could, like a fugitive in my own body and mind and unsurprisingly, it was time to own up, to look this truth dead in the eye and finally deal with it properly.
And this truth was very simple, despite all my attempts at making it seem more complex, complicated and all consuming. In the end, it was simply this: I am unhappy.
This particular gut-punch clocked me unawares sometime around 9 pm Saturday night and made me sit up and take notice. I was unhappy.
I could have been making all the money I wanted, living in my dream house filled with all the creature comforts and it would not have been enough, it would not have truly meant anything to me, because in the end I would still feel like this.
I would still feel lonely, lost, uncertain and hollow.
Sure I would have played music, watched TV, read a book, meditated…. Truly done anything I could to hide the real problem away from my conscious brain and for a while it would have worked, but I would still have felt that coldness, that stirring up of emotions like sand swirling up in me as a wave disturbs the grains.
And I would have suppressed the living day lights out of that feeling, feeding myself half –truths of I am a success, I did a lot and I am happy. I have what I wanted so I’m happy. I just feel tired right now.
And any other day that would have been enough, but not that day, because that was the day that my brain went “enough!”
That was the day that I could no longer hoodwink myself and I had to accept my own truth.
I wasn’t surprised by this information and honestly I tried to rattle off all the reasons that I should be unhappy and there were a lot, but this was a time for full honesty and the unvarnished, raw truth was that none of those things were the reasons for this specific feeling.
Sure they fed the unhappiness, but they were not strong enough to be called the villain of the piece. What was the problem was me.
My unhappiness came from deep inside and was a direct manifestation of me not taking care of myself, emotionally, mentally or physically and then blaming it on other things like my environment, lack of sales, my purpose in life, etc.
I have always heard that happiness was a journey and not a destination; that it was an attitude and not just a fleeting emotion that I should fear and yet, here it was the thing that many scoffed at, the thing that many would sell their souls to feel, begging for me to welcome it into my heart.
Mainstream happiness is bullshit.
It is an emotion that we have tied to outcomes and things. “Happiness is the same price as Red Bottoms. You can buy Happiness. This chair and phone will make you happy“.
And the ads are painted with smiling, gleeful people, challenging you to feel as they do with these products. Manipulation at it’s finest.
This very serious need had become nothing more than a marketing gimmick that was losing its meaning, significance in the hype of sales plays.
Happiness somehow became fleeting, unattainable and a lie. Happiness became conditional and was no longer a reality, rather it was a commodity. I bought into it and turned myself inside out trying to understand why I couldn’t seem to get high on the happiness drug anymore.
Why buying things, doing hobbies, being with people no longer gave the high. Why it was so easy to take the feeling away from me. Why it was so easy to drop.
And there it was, my answer, staring me dead in the face, challenging me to be brave enough to meet its stare.
I had long ago traded in the idea of happiness and joy for greed, fear, envy and want. I had long ago told myself I would be happy when I a certain outcome -which I had no control over- came to fruition. I had made feeling good an exclusive thing, rather than my norm.
To feel good, something had to happen and if it didn’t then I was allowed to feel pain, hurt and all of it’s emotional cousins and so this went for years, decades… and so it would have continued if I had never become unscripted.
So while I acknowledge that I am unhappy right now in this moment, I also acknowledge that happiness is an attitude and it is one that I willfully, with all intention choose to nurture, to grow and to maintain. It is no longer a commodity, no longer a thing that can only be petted on occasion when something ‘good’ happens.
It’s all about mindset and today and every other day after this, I will choose to feed my Happiness attitude.
I will choose to take amazing care of myself, to reconnect and listen in with myself, to grow a stronger bond. I will no longer hinge my happiness on an outcome, rather I will purposefully do the things that drive the good, light and free feeling to me. I will allow this emotional necessity to thrive within me in healthy ways.
That may look like me helping others and also knowing where to enforce my boundaries. It will mean being more open, while knowing what parts of me are just for me. It will mean trying new things out, but not to the detriment of my very real warning system. It will mean pushing myself to greater strength, and knowing when to rest, relax and be content.
It will mean being grateful and creating an attitude of gratitude, while knowing that being grateful will also ignite the spark of ambition. I will love all aspects of myself and know that it will take time and daily effort to heal properly.
I choose to be intuitively happy.
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“Do what you love and you will never work a day in your life.”
Can we talk about this statement please!
So I remember the first time I heard this magical quote, it was coming from the mouth of a very happy man who owned a taco food truck and I remember thinking ‘look at how freaking happy he is’ and I like everyone who was watching whatever show it was, started to melt at the idea and how true that seemed right then and there.
It hit me profoundly, because, yeah!- work shouldn’t be boring, stressful or make me want to cry just by thinking about it right?
Work should be something I look forward to, something I thoroughly enjoy doing day in and day out and something that allows me to learn new skills and then apply them. Work should be something that I am passionate about and that grows right along with me.
Then, no less than five seconds later, my old school training came back to me and all those amazing, magical thoughts I had about loving work, came crashing down like an empty glass being pushed off the table by a indifferent cat , impassively watching as the glass shatters upon impact to the cold tiled floor.
What could have been the thought that triggered this level of destruction?
“ But he doesn’t look like he makes a lot of money…and isn’t that food truck situation super risky and not financially secure?”
And yeah, just like that I remembered every one of my teachings that had been ingrained in me about needing money,
needing my money to come from a secure and dependable source,
needing to make a whole lot of money
and the belief that a lot of money could only come to me if I was as endlessly industrious as those freaking ants…because no one wanted to be that slacker grasshopper and then be totally screwed!
(Even though if you looked at that story in a different light, the grasshopper played music for those ants and then the Universe provided for the grasshopper via those same ants).
And so I did what any normal, red blooded female who had been taught that life was hard and making money was the only thing that would make your whole world go round, I thought about my skills and talents, picked the ones that Society seemed to pay a reasonable amount for, that I didn’t hate and I applied for a job at all the places that I prayed would pay me.
I was not thinking about myself in terms of what actually landing this job would entail or even mean.
All I thought about was the fact that I had a University degree that I was now pretty sure I was actually never going to get a chance to use, three Associate degrees that I was definitely not going to gain money from and I needed to show my parents that I had not infact wasted time on the subjects that I had loved at the time.
So basically I needed a well paying job to justify my ‘higher education’ that I partly paid for with my temp job as a Sales Clerk in a High-end Shoes Store, also because I desperately did not want to continue to work in the shoe’s store after so many years of freaking study!
And for a while I admit that I was very happy! I felt as if I had cheated the system, because my job was perfect!
I wrote for a living and it was decent pay- though I wished it was more, even as I didn’t expect it to ever be and I got to learn new skills, meet new people and eventually move out of my parents place and into a shared space with my then boyfriend.
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So in a very real sense to my mind, “I was doing what I loved!” and it paid well enough.
And it was almost perfect, as perfect as my young brain could imagine it could get….until of course, it was not.
Until I was no longer doing what I loved, because the atmosphere had changed and I was starting to feel anxious, starting to realize that while I loved writing, meeting people, sharing their stories, I no longer enjoyed doing so in the environment I was doing it in.
So the catch to this fairy tale is that all too soon, the job brought with it all the stresses, pressures, drama and time constraints that I could not help but to shaft at, and I was now working at all hours, felt like I was no longer in control of my time or where I had to go for work and my boss had me on call always.
And the worst part was that I believed deeply that I would never get a better job or money making opportunity than this.
So what was I going to do?
I genuinely did not like the ‘how’ of what I was doing anymore, but I felt as if all the reasons this felt so wrong to me were not actually valid enough for me to leave and so that level of impotence and anger built up in me, trapping me, stifling me and slowly I went from a happy person to one that was not and let’s just say it does not take very long for misery to infect all aspects of your life.
Eventually I realized that I was torturing myself for no reason and poisoning my own well of happiness, and all because I was terrified that this thing that I had outgrown was all I was ever going to have.
Why was it that I was placing everything over my own happiness?
Why was it that I was convinced that my happiness did not matter and needed to be sidelined in favour of bills and my superior’s needs?
One day, I remembered the quote: “Do what you love and you will never work a day in your life.”
And it truly hit me the significance of this quote as it relates to my own life.
It made me realize that I had sacrificed a lot of myself to my old training and I wanted to have new teachings.
I wanted to actually give myself permission to allow myself to ‘ do what I love’, I wanted to be working for hours and hours on something I genuinely enjoyed because yeah that’s technically hard work, but I’d be smiling, I’d be happy and I would have no complaints.
I wanted to have to be dragged away from work, instead of being eager to get away from it and the most important thing I realized was that I owed it to myself and the rest of my life to have that experience.
This meant that I needed to find out what I loved to do, what I truly enjoyed and then to be brave enough to pursue it.
And this would not be based on how much money I thought it would bring, not on psyching myself up to do it and knowing in my soul I was settling, or that I was doing it to please others, while I found no pleasure in it.
I wanted to experience that quote- I wanted to love what I do and never feel like I was ‘working’ ie stressing, frustrated, wanting to escape it.
And to do that, I had to realize what I wanted for my life, not just financially, but on the real scale, the This is ME scale. I had to be brave enough to pursue a healthy relationship with myself where I got to know myself, my likes, dislikes, loves and desires and validate them.
I had to relearn the way I spoke to myself, the things I did, how I took care of myself, and allowed happiness to enter into my life.
This came with repetition, with patience, with the understanding of unconditional love, support and the importance of my own health.
This allowed me to clear away some of the misery I had been harbouring and to bring light into my life.
The more I did it the more I realized where my passions lied and I want that for you as well.
You deserve to allow yourself to feel truly happy, to feel that sensation emanating from your heart and spilling to fill up your body.
To wake up and smile because today you GET to do what you love and it easily supports your whole life.
The only question is : What are you waiting for to truly get to know yourself?
Ashlee’s goal for Ashlee Unscripted is to be a platform to inspire and inform readers with energy and insights into overcoming and resolving some of life’s more formidable roadblocks and challenges.
And it is with that in mind that I am super excited to announce that we have created our first official blog-zine, aimed at providing some of the insights and guidance to move past real blocks in real time!
After months of behind the scenes planning and curating the right articles for this particular project, The Unscripted Collective Vol 1 is finally available!
This product serves up a massive dose of mindset expansion and encourages you to keep motivated while being present in life’s little moments of bliss and learning.
As many of you may know, Inner work has long been an important and vital part of Ashlee’s belief in creating the life you truly desire with ease and understanding, so the creation of this book was a perfect match for her teachings as well as her love for designing her own products.
“I wanted to create something that was easy to read, was even fun, but also carried some amazing insights and real life experiences! I genuinely love this blog-zine and it’s also digital so you can read it anywhere, anytime.”
“I’ve since created more niches specific products but the Unscripted Collective Volume 1 is my first love and I’m super proud of it!”
Ashlee makes it a point to re-read her own words and to also read the words of other coaches and bloggers that resonate with her. She explained that the idea for the blog-zine came to her when she was looking over her blog and thought it would be pretty cool to have these articles in a space that was all her readers’ choice and they could travel with easily.
“Ilove sharing my experiences with those, who are going through right now what I also went through and that is what drives me to create my books, to do the videos on IG and to keep this blog going. It is not easy to share your own deep stories at times or to open up and show others that yeah I went through crazy and I’m still standing, but that is exactly the kind of message they need to hear and know to be true,” she explained.
Ashlee, as you can imagine has been very hands-on with this product, from the articles used to the way the finished product was designed, making sure that it reflected a fun, engaging and edgy feel for her loyal readers. With a strong belief that beauty and self love starts from the inside, before it can radiate out, Ashlee wanted to ensure that the product was also a worthy buy for those who wanted to read it.
TheUnscripted Collective Vol 1 is the perfect book for those who love to read, but also love the magazine feel of blogs and the fun way information is expressed.
GET THIS TRAINING AND SEVERAL AMAZING OTHERS ON SHIFTING MINDSET HERE
What Awaits you :
Couch time with Ashlee, as she talks about choosing to forgive, not to let the poison of betrayal ruin her life, but choosing a healthier and happier path while working through the pain
Diving into why being just who you are can be a hard feat in Today’s society and why it’s so important to reconnect to your soul.
Why it is not safe as some of the experts are pushing today to ‘ force’ yourself to do anything, rather you have to trust your intuition and we break down how to do just that.
How to stop manipulating yourself into settling, because it only leads to long term pain and hard lessons.
How to become truly inspired without losing yourself and so much more.
The blogzine has over 15 articles, beautifully curated so that they flow into each other in a fun way and takes you on a journey of casual yet super insightful self discovery!
In the last post, we talked about some of the ways we can repurpose our limiting beliefs and even broke them down to specific situations!
Today, I’m spilling the tea on how to rewire your mindset, which is a fancy way of saying changing your perspective on your goals and your mental blocks.
We’re going to be looking at the things that cause resistance around your goals and how to blast them back into the abyss that they dared to fly up from in the first place.
So how do you go about changing your perspective on these things in real time?
You * drum roll * start reconnecting to yourself.
Here’s the thing, a lot of us are so disconnected from ourselves that if we didn’t live in this body, we would have no idea of who we were.
We spend a lot of time getting to know others and enjoying their company, building bonds and establishing trust and respect, however, when it comes to doing the same thing for ourselves, we shy all the way away from doing so!
I know, you’re thinking, how I can be disconnected from myself; I literally am myself and am in this body, with these thoughts and these feelings!
Yes, all true, however, let me know if any of these things resonate with you …
◊ Sitting in a café / movie theatre/ bar/ you name it- all alone and feeling lonely AF and hyper aware of other people having the best time. Feeling your heart beat staccato in a hollow rhythm because you want what they have. You want to also not be alone. You feel weird and awkward being alone.
◊ You argue with yourself a lot and avoid certain thoughts when they pop up because you just don’t feel like dealing with them or they hurt too much.
◊ You feel like a failure too much, you rarely look in the mirror and LOVE what is looking back at you.
◊ You’re fixated on working on ONE area of your life because to you it is failing and since it is, so are you.
If you answered ‘Yes’ to any of those ( no matter how salty) then the truth of it is that there is at least a part of you that is disconnected from the other parts of you and to be honest, many of us were not raised to cultivate a strong mental relationship with ourselves to begin with.
We rarely check in with ourselves to see how we truly feel about something or what we truly want, instead, we allow someone else (our authority figures/ haters/ lovers/celebrities) to make those decisions for us, so that we do what is expected and keep the peace.
And the more we do that, the more we start to separate from who we are- hence all those movies about ‘Finding Yourself!” – and the less we trust ourselves, the less we enjoy our own company, the less we believe in ourselves, because we are slowly eroding the bond we have with ‘me, myself and I’.
So to change your perspective, you have to be willing to repair that bond.
CONTINUE READING !
GET THIS TRAINING AND SEVERAL AMAZING OTHERS ON HOW TO CONQUER MENTAL BLOCKS HERE
What’s awaiting you:
Ashlee breaks down how she went through the reconnection process and shares tips, insights and activities.
How reconnecting to self will give you greater insights into what specifically is triggering your limiting beliefs and fears.
Step by step process of moving from being triggered to having a new viable and successful perspective on the same situation.
Guides towards bringing this concept into real life in real time, o you achieve success much quicker and with clarity.
We get much clearer on trigger moments, beliefs, and how to handle each so we don;t go insane with stress,doubt and fear.
Is it possible to let the problem fix itself? Find out in this training!
So today, we are going to be looking at how to use these limiting beliefs to ensure our success!
Now let’s look at the reasons that cause them in the first place and for each go through what will help us go from fight, flight or bury all the feels, to flowing and soaring!
Limiting belief reason 1:
Sometimes we create beliefs that are so far from our current circumstances that our minds simply do not believe in the possibility of it coming true in the way we want them to.
For this one, the real issue here is that we do not believe the goal is possible.
While we know that it can happen, it does not feel feasible for it to happen for us.
It is a goal that while we would LOVE to achieve, we simply at this point in time cannot see how WE can get it done because of whatever reason. (Maybe lack of resources, time, or the magnitude of the change just does not fit in with our belief or expectation of what can really work out for us).
In all of this, the problem is the fact that we simply do not believe this goal is something for us. We need to expand our range of possibility if we are to ever start believing we are going to succeed in this goal.
So what do we do?
CONTINUE READING !
GET THIS TRAINING AND SEVERAL AMAZING OTHERS ON HOW TO CONQUER MENTAL BLOCKS HERE
WHAT AWAITS YOU:
We dive even deeper into the three main triggers for limiting beliefs
We go through the mindset shifts needed in real time to move from I can’t to I did!
We understand more of what is happening when these limiting beliefs are triggered and what information they are giving to us when they are.
Dive deeper into understanding how self-knowledge and insecurities blend to either stress us out or lead to success.
How to acknowledge, challenge and re-purpose those thoughts that would lead up to give up into motivation for much easier success