I have always admired those girls who could go to the movies, cafes and even shop by themselves without feeling awkward or lonely, because to me that seemed like such a power move.
As much as I’m an introvert, there are things that I simply do not want to do by myself, for the very simple reasons that I fear it would only serve to emphasize my loneliness.
After all, how many times have you seen anyone on a self-date, who looked comfortable and like they were having fun, minus being attached to their phone or having that painful ‘ please keep me company’ expectant expression on their face?
Ok, so maybe that’s just me projecting my own feelings on the few times I’ve been out alone, but to be fair, those times were because I was meeting someone and felt anxious, knowing I’d be better when they finally appeared or I left.
However, recently, something changed within me.
The more I learn about mindset health and connecting to myself, the more I’ve started to allow myself to enjoy solitude and have started welcoming my thoughts, rather than engaging in an epic and exhausting battle of fighting them.
One of the biggest things I realized was that I was equating going out by myself with feelings of being sad, lonely, isolated and rejected, because I was referencing the times I felt like that, which was of course when I was out, waiting for someone who I was late!
As I slowly started to carve me-time into my day, and becoming committed to the practices, I began to feel more at peace with myself and my thoughts, creative and powerful.
I felt more comfortable and confident in staying in my own company and enjoying my little bubble, unplugged from everyone else.
I started appreciating the process of waking up; smiling that it was just time for myself and my own thoughts, doing an activity that I enjoyed.
The hardest thing for me at the beginning was disconnecting and finding time to just have me-time, which is not surprising as every new process takes time to feel out.
It started slowly, with gym dates, then with me going to the beach alone and letting the water soak my feet and feeling the crunch of sand under my toes as I walked the length of the beach.
Then it progressed to rambling around the island in my car, taking in new sites, stopping to eat where I wanted and knowing I didn’t have to impress anyone and if I wanted to go home I could.
My next goal is to get dressed up and go to the movies, dinner and maybe even to a bar.
These actions are important to me, because it’s me deliberately and intentionally choosing to spend time with myself and treat myself to the things I enjoy.
To me, that alone is so powerful, because I’ve taken my relationship with myself public, instead of choosing the easier road of staying home (- not to say that at times I do choose to stay home and enjoy me time there, it’s all about options and having fun) and I’m really, truly enjoying letting my power time flag fly high!
You made it to the end! Wooot!