Life it seems is a master of going off the rails the moment you let your guard down, or at least, that is how it feels sometimes, when things just don’t work out even remotely in the vicinity of possibility you had prescribed for it.
I grew up in Barbados, hearing the saying ‘Man plans and God laughs’ and if I’ve learnt anything at all over the last three years, it’s the veracity of that saying, along with the bitter realization that I am not in control of even 10% of the things I tried so hard to hold dominion over.
Was it a terribly bitter pill to swallow?
Yes, yes it was.
And I fought against swallowing it, much like a toddler does, head shaking, feeble hands coming up to ward off the oncoming pill to tightly buckled in lips.
And fight as I might, run and hide as I tired, it did nothing to belie the truths that were battering with typhoon like strength at door of my mind and life.
In the end, I found relief not in the belief that I could control people or things or even my cats, but in letting some of the pillars in my life crumble and shatter onto the ground. I found relief in being honest with myself, my wants, true desires and letting go of the ‘old me’.
A caterpillar will never become a butterfly if it does not allow itself the pain of change, if it does not allow that life as a flightless worm to recede and embrace the transformation of wings and new diet, complete with a whole new perspective on life.
And so, that’s what I had to do. Relinquish my death grip on my caterpillar self and trust in God, in the cosmic energy that he placed here that I was going to be ok, that these set-backs delays and the things that threatened to turn me greener than the wicked witch of the West was all steps in my journey to my ultimate truth.
And my truth, was that no matter what happened, so long as I believed my intuition, and kept going, growing, learning and letting things go, could I turn into the beautiful blue butterfly, I was always destined for and live that very new yet totally intrinsic life.
Just last night , Acting Prime Minister of Barbados, the Hon. Santia Bradshaw, confirmed that the country now has 45 cases of the aggressive covid-19 virus, and that the Government has decided to implement additional measures under the Emergency Management Act, including the closing of banks, beaches and parks as well as the prohibition of alcohol sales, among other restrictions.
>> Download the Address and the additional measures below <<
For me, this comes just hours after witnessing the cremation of my Dad, who died of a heart attack last month. Needless to say, it is not an easy time in our household, but I’ve decided that rather than give into the creeping fear and growing panic, I prefer to look at all of this as a chance to protect my energy and stay centered.
Right now, with everything around the world seeming to be spiraling right out of control, where you are being encouraged to practice social distancing of at least 6 feet from everyone, to stay quarantined home, and to practice as many healthy hygiene habits as possible, this is a very deadly, yet oddly surreal time.
So if you’re with me and prefer not to give into the addictive siren call of fear, here are some things to do to protect your energy and keep your mind healthy as well as your physical space.
Start the day without the phone. I wake up pretty early and have enforced the rule of not looking at my phone until at least 9 am, so that other people’s energy and vibes do not affect the way I begin my day. I’m considering enforcing this at the end of my day as well and possibly keeping the phone on airplane mode during the ‘off times’.
Do start the day with positive affirmations. I’ve felt pretty ‘out of it’ these past few days, as huge lifestyle and emotional changes have been coming at me one after the other, and I’ve been trying to be mindful of how I’ve been perceiving them. And it has not been easy at all. What I find does help is to spend 10 minutes in quiet solitude, and by speaking positivity into existence around me. This helps to rewire fears and brings deeper understanding and healing.
If I can, I host a dance party or I exercise in the morning. Turning up the music and moving is one of the best ways to shake off negativity and bring your endorphins up, while also boosting your mood.
Make time for self care! Now is the time to be super mindful of your health in every aspect and to allow yourself time to rest, goof off and to clean your environment. Feeling clean, comfy and relaxed does untold wonders for your mood and overall health.
I’ve limited my news intake to only important updates and actively cut myself off if I feel as if I’m spiraling. When that happens, I engage in activities that boost my moods.
I have an amazing support system and I check in with them regularly. They not only ground me, but also respect my boundaries and it’s good to remember that other good and positive things ARE happening around your world.
Just take a deep breath, hold it and then slowly exhale. Practicing breath work is important especially when dealing with situations that may trigger you. I’ve started practicing some techniques and it helps to clear out the fog in my head at times.
Just allow yourself to decompress and just be. You do not have to be in constant motion, sometimes being quiet, still and introspective is a great medicine.
I’ve always wanted to try to sage my home at the beginning of each month to ward off negative energy and I may do it this month.
Get your REM sleep and eat your fruits and veggies and get your water fill. Physical health is super important right now and it’s not just about fighting to not catch the flu or Covid-19, it’s about staying healthy. Period.
Know that there is only so much you can accomplish in a day, so do not over work yourself, but know that you do have free hours to goof off with. Be greedy with your time and practice self-love in all instances. This is a lesson I’m still learning, but it is defo coming along.
Use social media to help add to your mood. Whether it is inspirational or motivational or even humorous posts, I’m there, because laughter and joy are important y’all!
As I sit atop of a hill, with the chilly breeze flowing all around, me lightly kissing my warm skin, I can’t help but to let my mind wander.
Beneath me is a picturesque view of Barbados. A sea of nature, interspersed with the dots of homes, businesses and moving vehicles on grey roads. Below me the island paradise is alive with productivity.
Leaning back from the bright rays of the sun, because I forgot my hat (read: totally didn’t even think of bringing it), I listen to the calls of the black birds, and watch as the sparrows return to their nests in the palm tree behind me.
It’s all quiet, peaceful.
To my right, there are cows munching on grass in the field next to me, not a care in the world except what they are eating and for some reason that sight, coupled with everything else, makes me feel so very nostalgic.
It’s wild to me that this is not only a whole new year, but also the beginning of a whole new decade and I am actually excited for my future this time around.
As I sit here, a week into this new year with the grass beginning to itch my bare legs in these stretchy, denim shorts, I allow myself to reflect on how much I’ve grown in the last ten years.
2010 was a HUGE year for me and if I’m honest it was one of the most pivotal years of my life.
I graduated from University with honours, after getting an A on my Thesis, earning my BA in psychology. I resigned from my part time job as a shoe saleslady and took my first real step into following my passions, when I applied and got accepted to work as a journalist in the Hello Youth Magazine.
That alone was a culture shock for me, getting to write was one thing, but meeting new people daily, and being placed in situations which meant I had to bolster my confidence and meet challenges head on, was nothing short of necessary.
I bought my first car, and started to find my voice, not only in what I was writing for work, but also for what I am interested in and what life boundaries I needed to enforce.
I met more amazing friends and started my journey into womanhood officially.
The decade that followed only saw me learning more about myself, making life changing decisions and growing more into accepting what I really wanted from this life of mine. It took me like shells trapped in an unrelenting wave towards the shores of inner healing and self- acceptance.
So as I sit here, in 2020, I can tell you that I am a lady emboldened.
Just last year, while I woke up cautiously hopeful for the New Year, I was still going through the rough transition of mindset shifting and it honestly took just as much of a toll on me as it did in releasing me from my inner demons.
I was still struggling to find my footing and soothe away all of my aches, thinking I could resolve my problems and challenges if I just kept focusing on them, if I could just find a win and prove that all my sacrifices, painful lessons and hopeful dreams were not all for nothing.
Turns out, that’s not how that works.
When you focus on problems, you don’t fix them, instead you allow them to multiply and stage a coup to take over your very soul.
This year, I’m the same me, just wiser, stronger, calmer and somehow even more optimistic.
And why is that you may ask?
It’s simply because as I reflect over my MANY struggles over the last decade and beyond, the results have been pretty consistent.
I’m still here and I stay.
No matter what, no matter how many times I felt roasted over fire, no matter how many times I wanted to tear my skin off as tribute to my perceived failures, no matter how many times I said ‘yes’ when in truth, my heart was screaming ‘no’ but I forced myself all the same, I’ve learnt from all of that and allowed myself to reveal my own heart to me.
2020 ( like the vision) is the start of a new chapter in my life. The first year in a new decade almost always means spectacular awesomeness for me. My energy is high, my will is strong and most importantly, I’m aware that time is actually on my side.
No masterpiece can be created in a rush or on an arbitrary deadline and that’s what I was trying to do with myself.
Rush my healing, enter into a race of life, I had no business being in, digesting other people’s challenges because I felt maybe that was the right guideline for me.
Today, I am grateful and so appreciative that I have the time and that I’ve created the lifestyle where I can sit in a field, soaking up the sun and let my words flow out to you. I can let you into my thoughts and offer my own advice to you easily.
So this year, the beginning of the roaring 2020’s, I realize that come what may, I am 100% that bitch. I’m the one who understands that everything in me is intuition first and I am more aware of what is best serving me. I choose to concentrate on that.
I choose to allow myself the pain of growing, to allow myself the grins of joys and to simply know that I am enough, all I have is enough and it is all beautiful.
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As I sit here in my room on a warm, yet breezy Caribbean day in December, reflecting not only over this year 2019, but the last decade in general, those are the words that my brain whispers in a surprisingly non-patronising voice.
“ No, brain, No. I didn’t die, in fact I thrived.”
And it’s true, the last decade saw me navigating my twenties, saw me moving out of my parent’s house and starting my career as a journalist, which let’s be honest, opened the creative door for all that has followed.
It saw me moving in with my boyfriend in our first starter home, him proposing and us moving to a better condominium. It also saw us getting married, our families getting closer and closer to each other along with us growing so far apart, we may have to re-introduce ourselves to each other.
It has been a decade of everything.
You think it, I’ve probably been through it in the last decade.
From being terrifyingly sick, to switching jobs before I decided to strike out as an entrepreneur getting back into my passions and making huge life-changing decisions, including moving back in with my parents.
My life was built and blown right up in the last decade and as I write this post here on the last legs of 2019, I am so freaking proud of the woman I chose to become.
One of my biggest fears in life was letting my life crumble around me, especially after all the hard work, blood, sweat, copious tears and sacrifices I had made just to painstakingly build this beautiful creation brick by heavy as F brick.
It all came crashing down around me and all I could do was let it. Not that I didn’t try to catch the debris and rebuild, not that I didn’t try my level hardest to patch the leaks and stymie the holes when I found them… but it was all in vain- my life as I knew it spectacularly blew right up.
When it blew up, it left me facing the ugly truth I had been trying for the last two decades to fruitlessly beautify.
I had come to the inevitable cross roads and there were no more loopholes, no side roads, not even a dirt track I could divert myself onto. No.
I had to decide in that moment who I was going to be.
And here’s the thing, it didn’t all happen one afternoon, in fact if I’m honest, this process had been leading up for years, it just FELT like it was crashing down on me in that one afternoon.
And do you know why?
It was because that was the afternoon that I had run out of tricks. It was the afternoon where I was cornered and forced to choose my path.
Path A or Path B.
Path A would see me adding more explosives and blowing everything sky-high. It would entail me accepting that my marriage was over, that I was moving out and that I was a proud, broke and struggling entrepreneur who was determined to make those intuitive dreams a reality.
Path B was damage control. It would mean for me to humble myself, stifle my clamouring needs and accept that while I was depressingly unhappy , I could continue to pretend everything was ok and just stay where I was. It would mean settling, but it would offer a sense of stability and familiarity even if it was painful.
Truth is, both paths were painful.
After much deliberation, I choose Path A, simply because that path allowed me to heal. It allowed me to be accountable for my life, to realize that only I had the power to design my life and it showed up just how much I had given up on actually designing a life of joy. I chose a path of enlightenment and peace.
And it SUCKED so badly!
This path was filled with resolutions and I did not enjoy them at all. It felt like how I imagine a werewolf transformation would be like and very often I wanted out of this burning body and mind.
My transformation came with lots of tears, screaming, despondency and failures. I second guessed myself, opened the floodgates of my doubts daily until I learnt that I could corral them and have a conversation with them.
It was a Path to learning and while not every lesson was painful, they were all necessary.
Even on the days that I thought it’d be easier to just die, a steadily growing larger part of me would remind me that death was the end of this game. I would be choosing to NEVER change anything and so I stayed.
As I learnt to reconnect with myself, I grew more comfortable in my skin, and started facing my insecurities and harsh truths head on. I started to take responsibility for my actions and critically dissected my people-pleasing ways. I forgave myself and those who were culpable in the various stories along with me, because at that time, I recognise that we did not know any better.
I started to see the world and understand it’s machinations differently; this lead to being able to draw and attract more like minded people than ever before and my energy increased positively.
Suddenly, I had no time for negativity, no time for desperate actions and no time for self-castigation. I was having fun again, had even dared to introduce it to my work ethic, I started to actually put my health and well-being first and I began to truly actively listen to what the Universe was showing me daily.
I’m still a student of life and I’m open to learning more daily and trying new things because I can.
I’m no longer hung up on success or failure, because either way I’m winning.
And so as I sit here, the day after one of my BFF’s got married to a lovely lady, I reflect on this year and realize that I harvested many things.
I was invited to and gave my first coaching session to lovely young ladies looking for direction. I published at least 8 books that I’d written. I interacted with more entrepreneurs than ever before; I stood up for myself finally. I started working out not because I want to look a certain way, but because I wanted to be stronger and healthier and I reconnected to friends and family.
I became much more open about sharing my life, because I see those situations much differently now and I’m proud of my accomplishments. I’m proud that each day I wake up happy.
I’m proud that I know that every time I open my eyes there is an opportunity for my life to get so much better always.
I harvested gratitude this year, acceptance of myself and while this journey was tough, rough and insane, I also realise that I loved it all. I love who in all of those moments I chose to be, because that is fueling the me of today and tomorrow.
So as I say goodbye to 2019 and thank it for it’s lessons and as I say farewell to the last decade and be in awe of the girl who undertook those chapters, I look forward to the beginning of a whole new decade filled with the lessons learnt, real self love and the opening act of a new decade script.
Season’s Greetings and Happy New Year loves!
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As much as it pains me to admit this, I realise that I have to… Freud was right the entire time.
For those who may already know my issues with this legendary psychologist, I’m sure you read that last line in total shock-, trust me, it was just as shocking for me to write it-, yet fair is fair and I have to give the man his rightful due.
Freud as it turns out understood basic human nature and mindset more than I did- no shock there, but as I write this post, I think I finally get where he was actually coming from now.
It’s Monday and I’m sitting in the TV Room, on the long couch next to the window, basking in the warm sunlight and the light. chilly breeze that’s swirling inside.
It’s a quiet day, the sun is high in the sky, the clouds are wisps in the ocean blue sky and honestly if this is not the kind of day that sparks inner reflection, I do not know what is.
Oh and the electricity is off, because of some generator failure Islandwide and I’m using the last of my laptop power to type this up.
It’s off and I now understand what a ‘lazy day’ feels like. Outside in the dining room, my parents are loudly and randomly going over potential cake recipes and the price to make them.
My kindle gave up the ghost on me and I, with great reluctance turned on this laptop to write because as I recline on this couch, staring at the sky and feeling lethargy creep up on me, I realized that when it came to money, wealth, my own journey in entrepreneurship, the way I’ve been thinking before and the way that my intuition wants me to be thinking now, all comes back to freaking Sigmund Freud.
Yeah, that spurred me to open up a word doc and start typing.
So here it is: Freud was right in the most basic of thoughts -> Man seeks pleasure and avoids pain.
I’ve known that ideology for years thanks to my Psychology background and my stint with online coaches, and yet today, on a warm, lazy, no distractions Monday morning, I freaking finally get it.
I have been struggling with a variety of things, specifically what are the things that come to me in this world, simply because I exist.
For instance, for me to exist and live in this world, I have to be provided with a variety of things, including, water, oxygen, food, clothes and a safe dwelling.
Those things are non-negotiable and to be honest are things I just expected to be there all my life and they have been.
Have you ever noticed that?
That these are just things that you expect in life, that these are just some of the things that you don’t have to think about getting? As you exist, they must be provided for you, even if you don’t know how or where they will come from?
It’s supposed to be the same with health, wealth, love and happiness.
Yet, you may argue that this is not the case and even I felt for a long time that in order to have these things in abundance, then I needed to find strategies, I needed to do more than simply exist.
Somewhere down the line between being a toddler to adulthood, I stopped seeking pleasure because I was sure it would come with pain and my mindset shifted and developed differently because of that.
Health instead of being about loving my body, mind and spirit, became about looking attractive to others and weight lost.
Wealth instead of being a byproduct of my own passions coming to fruition, became about not having money, trying to find money, settling for what I can get and ignoring my passions.
Love instead of being a lifestyle became a thing that was used to manipulate and cause pain.
Happiness instead of being a state of mind, became a pipe dream that was based on what I had, rather than who I was and my energy.
So yeah, all of these things began to cause more pain than pleasure, even as they were created to provide pleasure, and so I started to avoid them in the states I believed they existed in.
For weeks, and months I have been going through a lot of shifts, in which I have been reclaiming my health, love, happiness and wealth, acknowledging that just like the air I breathe, they too in their pure ( not corrupted by greed, fear and desperation states) are to be provided to me just because I exist.
So Freud, I get it now, I get that there are things that are provided to me simply because I exist and that I have the power to either nurture them or corrupt them.
I understand that I do seek pleasure and I will avoid pain, but this depends heavily on what I perceive to be giving me either and how I interact with it.
And I also understand that in all of this, my true and only focus needs to be on healthy, growing love.
Thanks for taking this time to spend with me. Don’t forget you can totally comment below or email me your thoughts at email@example.com, Let’s connect!
I’ll see you later!
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I have been going through something last week and it has been making me feel like I want to crawl out of my skin, like there is a mass of dark energy within me, that is about to explode, like all I want to do is weep.
It’s a weird feeling for someone who wants to embrace and share joy in her life. It’s an extra weird feeling for someone who is expressing gratitude for all she has ( no matter how tiny or inconsequential it may seem) every morning and is trying to shift her mindset from the death grip of fear into one of positive growth.
I know it takes time people, but let me be very clear about this.
This feeling sucks balls.
Saturday morning I woke up in a f#$king mood.
My parents were talking and to me were way too energized for so early in the morning to be their querulous selves and I just could not deal.
The jokes were not funny to me and I just wanted quiet. I wanted for no one to be talking to me. For no one to be sharing, arguing or interacting with me.
I wanted to watch wrestling in peace.
It was not to be.
And even as I tried to quell the sudden yet ferocious surge of pure annoyance, it just settled in me like a geyser a hairsbreadth away from exploding and burning everything in its wake.
And because of this, I was mean to my little cousin and after seeing the hurt on her pretty face, I felt like such an asshole. It hurt me too, but the miasma that I was in, was stronger than both of us.
Mind you, it wasn’t that I did anything to her, it was rather, I could not make myself smile at her and once again the parents did not help matters. And yes I got called out for being a bitch, which I can admit now, hours later I totally was.
As the day progressed, my mood did not truly improve, there was something in me that was eating away at the very idea of joy and it was not the wonky weather.
I watched a movie and just allowed the day to pass, but soon my niece and nephew came over and their antics were more than enough to banish the lethargic fog that had been consuming me.
Everything about them fascinates me, how they are communicating better, the smiles, the determination, the twin-tuition and of course the dancing and the boisterous fake laughing.
In those moments I realized with astounding clarity that I was being a whiny brat yet again. I was not living life and enjoying it, I was not laughing just because I could, nor was I allowing myself to just speak my truth.
In fact, over the last few days, I had basically chosen doubt, frustration and fear as my companions and had been serving them a buffet of my dreams, hopes and aspirations.
Instead of just enjoying what I was doing, I sucked the glittery, rainbow fun out of all my ideas, sadistically holding them under the fog of my travel companions, because I was too busy convincing myself they were awful ideas.
Yet, here were these happy babies, rolling with the punches, finding entertainment and demanding love and affection, while expecting it easily. Here they were dimples flashing, hands clapping, showing me that not only were they highly intelligent, they were also fast and when necessary very crafty.
How can you stay grumpy in those moments?
So later when my little cousin re-appeared, looked at me and decided to give me some space initially, before seizing her opportunity to be close to me- loving me unconditionally, I apologized for that morning’s behaviour and asked for forgiveness which was immediately granted.
I took some painkillers for the headache I got from eating too late and was sitting at the table, head resting on my forearm on the table, when she came over to sit on top of me. She makes space people. I’ll never understand how she somehow does that when there is only a sliver before to fit her.
We sang folk songs, played a variety of games and I even let her play in my hair. The resulting hairstyle was wild, yet very chic and I laughed right along with her.
A part of that was my way of apologizing, but like 85% was because I was also having fun and I remember playing in the hair of another lady who would let me brush hers, while I filled her in on my latest thoughts.
So I decided to play it forward. What’s the harm in having fun with a 6 year old, who actually enjoys your existence?
There isn’t one.
So yeah, Saturday was a learning curve for me, it made me very, very, very aware of the excuses I was still hiding behind, the bullshit I was trying to pretend I enjoyed and my own fears.
It also made me realize what being happy is about . Spending the time with these children, all under the age of 7 reminded me what life and living is actually about.
It’s not about the money or lack thereof, it’s not about worrying if anyone will read your tales with you make that public or if you’re shouting into the void, it’s not about being perfect, it is however about accepting yourself, laughing because you can and CHOOSING to embrace joy and sharing it.
It was a latent truth, that while I had always known was a part of me, I had nonetheless worked for years to hide from its power when I could and when that didn’t work the way I wanted, I started to distract myself away from it.
It was too much for me to fight and while I would win a battle or two, I expected that this truth would win the war and that was why I only ever allowed myself to look at the small things, to fight those things, to convince myself those symptoms of the real pandemic was enough.
Yet, like all truths there is only so much running and hiding you can do, before it is staring right back at you, demanding you acknowledge it for what it is and to start the healing process.
I had run for as long as I could, like a fugitive in my own body and mind and unsurprisingly, it was time to own up, to look this truth dead in the eye and finally deal with it properly.
And this truth was very simple, despite all my attempts at making it seem more complex, complicated and all consuming. In the end, it was simply this: I am unhappy.
This particular gut-punch clocked me unawares sometime around 9 pm Saturday night and made me sit up and take notice. I was unhappy.
I could have been making all the money I wanted, living in my dream house filled with all the creature comforts and it would not have been enough, it would not have truly meant anything to me, because in the end I would still feel like this.
I would still feel lonely, lost, uncertain and hollow.
Sure I would have played music, watched TV, read a book, meditated…. Truly done anything I could to hide the real problem away from my conscious brain and for a while it would have worked, but I would still have felt that coldness, that stirring up of emotions like sand swirling up in me as a wave disturbs the grains.
And I would have suppressed the living day lights out of that feeling, feeding myself half –truths of I am a success, I did a lot and I am happy. I have what I wanted so I’m happy. I just feel tired right now.
And any other day that would have been enough, but not that day, because that was the day that my brain went “enough!”
That was the day that I could no longer hoodwink myself and I had to accept my own truth.
I wasn’t surprised by this information and honestly I tried to rattle off all the reasons that I should be unhappy and there were a lot, but this was a time for full honesty and the unvarnished, raw truth was that none of those things were the reasons for this specific feeling.
Sure they fed the unhappiness, but they were not strong enough to be called the villain of the piece. What was the problem was me.
My unhappiness came from deep inside and was a direct manifestation of me not taking care of myself, emotionally, mentally or physically and then blaming it on other things like my environment, lack of sales, my purpose in life, etc.
I have always heard that happiness was a journey and not a destination; that it was an attitude and not just a fleeting emotion that I should fear and yet, here it was the thing that many scoffed at, the thing that many would sell their souls to feel, begging for me to welcome it into my heart.
Mainstream happiness is bullshit.
It is an emotion that we have tied to outcomes and things. “Happiness is the same price as Red Bottoms. You can buy Happiness. This chair and phone will make you happy“.
And the ads are painted with smiling, gleeful people, challenging you to feel as they do with these products. Manipulation at it’s finest.
This very serious need had become nothing more than a marketing gimmick that was losing its meaning, significance in the hype of sales plays.
Happiness somehow became fleeting, unattainable and a lie. Happiness became conditional and was no longer a reality, rather it was a commodity. I bought into it and turned myself inside out trying to understand why I couldn’t seem to get high on the happiness drug anymore.
Why buying things, doing hobbies, being with people no longer gave the high. Why it was so easy to take the feeling away from me. Why it was so easy to drop.
And there it was, my answer, staring me dead in the face, challenging me to be brave enough to meet its stare.
I had long ago traded in the idea of happiness and joy for greed, fear, envy and want. I had long ago told myself I would be happy when I a certain outcome -which I had no control over- came to fruition. I had made feeling good an exclusive thing, rather than my norm.
To feel good, something had to happen and if it didn’t then I was allowed to feel pain, hurt and all of it’s emotional cousins and so this went for years, decades… and so it would have continued if I had never become unscripted.
So while I acknowledge that I am unhappy right now in this moment, I also acknowledge that happiness is an attitude and it is one that I willfully, with all intention choose to nurture, to grow and to maintain. It is no longer a commodity, no longer a thing that can only be petted on occasion when something ‘good’ happens.
It’s all about mindset and today and every other day after this, I will choose to feed my Happiness attitude.
I will choose to take amazing care of myself, to reconnect and listen in with myself, to grow a stronger bond. I will no longer hinge my happiness on an outcome, rather I will purposefully do the things that drive the good, light and free feeling to me. I will allow this emotional necessity to thrive within me in healthy ways.
That may look like me helping others and also knowing where to enforce my boundaries. It will mean being more open, while knowing what parts of me are just for me. It will mean trying new things out, but not to the detriment of my very real warning system. It will mean pushing myself to greater strength, and knowing when to rest, relax and be content.
It will mean being grateful and creating an attitude of gratitude, while knowing that being grateful will also ignite the spark of ambition. I will love all aspects of myself and know that it will take time and daily effort to heal properly.
I choose to be intuitively happy.
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I’m on vacation and that should mean living at the beach, however, this vacay, I honestly only felt to sleep and wile away the hours in an attempt to feel relax.
( I have been told before that I relax wrong and I wanted to do it right this time!)
That and the fact that for the better portion of this year, I have been unsuccessful in going for a swim!
That all changed on Tuesday, when me and my vacay-pal decide to just get off the couch and go laze in the surf. It was a spur of the moment decision that saw us getting change in record time and on the road to the beach in like 10 minutes.
It was the smartest and silliest thing we had done yet. We managed to grab our towels, but forgot the sun-block, drinking water and everything else, all because of the siren call of cool sea swimming.
The sun was scorching the sands of the beautiful beach as we locked up the car and took in the beauty of the rolling turquoise waves.
I was happy! I was finally-finally at the beach and the sun was still up and the water was calling my name!
But the sun was not playing around!
It was so hot, that just recording a short video for my IG was difficult and I could feel and see the sweat dripping down my face the moment my feet touched the powdery grains of sand, courtesy of my phone.
The beach itself was quiet, afterall it was a work day for everyone else, still I had not expected to see the place so open and underpopulated.
There was one family in the water and just miles of sandy shores and gentle waters…exactly what the doctor ordered.
So we decide to leave the family a wide berth and find our own chill spot further down the beach and by ‘chill spot’ I mean a shady, forgiving spot that would save us from the cruel sun rays.
We ended up basically on the other side of the beach, which I decided was far enough- really though, I was tired of walking and was ready to dump our stuff under the thicket of trees we had discovered.
That’s when we saw the ‘warning’ under the tree, instructing us to NOT be under them especially in the rain, because apparently that particular tree is poisonous.
(…my question of course is why is that tree lining all of the beach then?)
We move away and decide to just rest our stuff close to the surf, but far enough away that they are not under the tree, but still on the powdery sand dunes.
The running joke between me and my friend for this year is that I have yet to submerge myself into the waves of the sea, infact the last time, I got anywhere near the water, it was too late to go swimming, so I just literally stuck a toe in.
This time I was determined would be different.
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I had not taken proper vacation in what felt like five years and I could not handle being so close to shimmering water and not becoming the mermaid I am at heart, by diving into the beautiful depths.
Only problem, – the area we chose was surrounded by big rocks sunken into the surf, as if the beach had built a protective wall around itself and it went on for too long for me to simply jump over them safely.
Not one to give into defeat, we decided to move to an area that I could actually get into the water without hurting myself.
And would you believe the moment we did, the sky changed dramatically with dark grey clouds posing ominously above us?
Just as I placed my stuff down and protected my phone, the rain pelted right down.
This was unacceptable.
I refused to believe that my beach day was going to end in a story about how the rain soaked me with it’s pitter patter, so I waded right into the water, telling my friend I would be damned if I got wet solely by rain and not actual waves.
Was I worried about my hair and the fact that I was about to break the golden rule of not getting my hair wet? Yes.
Did that stop me? Nope!
And so there we were in the cold water, close to the shallows enjoying the rain as well as the fact that we were now the only two people in the water. It was freeing and for the first time in a really, really long time, I truly felt as if I was on vacation.
My brain was not filled up with marketing plans, with fears over upcoming bills, with plaguing self doubts, instead I was preoccupied by a jumping school of small fish and this medium sized almost translucent fish that seemed determined to use me as his own version of shade and hiding spot.
I was just enjoying myself and making jokes and letting the sea soothe me and it felt amazing!
Self care is so important and in the past I can admit that when it came to really taking care of me and listening to what my body was telling me, I was a bit military in my mindset.
I would check to see if I was healthy enough to work and as long as I was, then I was fine.
In my mind if I had time to rest or enjoy myself, then I should be doing something more ‘productive’ and it’s only recently, when I have had the time to truly check my behavior, that I had no choice but to see how idiotic that kind of thinking truly is.
My body and mind needed a break, it needed rest and time off from the mental stressors I had been flaying it with and so this vacation has been the best thing ever!
It takes practice to keep relaxing and not give into the very real urges to almost guiltily jump back into work and don the familiar blanket of my life burdens, even when I meditate my intuition tells me to relax and let things come to me, rather than me jumping all over the place.
It’s weird for me to pause, and to give my attention to something other than my hunt for wealth and entrepreneurial validation, but I am glad I gave myself the time and space to grow and stretch, because it made me look critically at the lifestyle I was hell-bent on nurturing.
On the mindset I was still operating from and that it was not ok.
I wanted a life of ease, simplicity and authenticity, yet I was making my own life difficult, stressful and full of intense pressures. So that meant taking real actions to nurture the lifestyle I claim to want and was praying for.
That meant turning my gaze away from work and firmly onto myself.
It was terrifying.
I rarely ever even take a day off, but I took time for over a week and counting and I slept so much!
And honestly, I feel refreshed, I wake up happier, less scared and guarded and while life will throw a lot of plot twists at you, I can honestly say that I am enjoying my time off and my vacation brain.
I already feel more creative and almost accustomed to having shoulders that don’t slump or aching as they attempt to keep themselves up.
I gave myself permission to enjoy myself, to look beyond my many challenges right now and take in the much larger picture and that made me realise how ensnared I really was.
Self care for me, is this week of rest, of pausing on the challenges and giving the happy-meter a serious dial up, because I am human and there will always be challenges, but there won’t always be a me.
These experiences won’t always be here and I prefer to take the break now that I’m healthy and can enjoy it, rather than when I’m sick and cranky.
It’s all mindset and perspective and I’m understanding that more and more daily!
So what about you? What does down time look like for you and how often do you allow your mind and body to fully relax?
Ashlee’s goal for Ashlee Unscripted is to be a platform to inspire and inform readers with energy and insights into overcoming and resolving some of life’s more formidable roadblocks and challenges.
And it is with that in mind that I am super excited to announce that we have created our first official blog-zine, aimed at providing some of the insights and guidance to move past real blocks in real time!
After months of behind the scenes planning and curating the right articles for this particular project, The Unscripted Collective Vol 1 is finally available!
This product serves up a massive dose of mindset expansion and encourages you to keep motivated while being present in life’s little moments of bliss and learning.
As many of you may know, Inner work has long been an important and vital part of Ashlee’s belief in creating the life you truly desire with ease and understanding, so the creation of this book was a perfect match for her teachings as well as her love for designing her own products.
“I wanted to create something that was easy to read, was even fun, but also carried some amazing insights and real life experiences! I genuinely love this blog-zine and it’s also digital so you can read it anywhere, anytime.”
“I’ve since created more niches specific products but the Unscripted Collective Volume 1 is my first love and I’m super proud of it!”
Ashlee makes it a point to re-read her own words and to also read the words of other coaches and bloggers that resonate with her. She explained that the idea for the blog-zine came to her when she was looking over her blog and thought it would be pretty cool to have these articles in a space that was all her readers’ choice and they could travel with easily.
“Ilove sharing my experiences with those, who are going through right now what I also went through and that is what drives me to create my books, to do the videos on IG and to keep this blog going. It is not easy to share your own deep stories at times or to open up and show others that yeah I went through crazy and I’m still standing, but that is exactly the kind of message they need to hear and know to be true,” she explained.
Ashlee, as you can imagine has been very hands-on with this product, from the articles used to the way the finished product was designed, making sure that it reflected a fun, engaging and edgy feel for her loyal readers. With a strong belief that beauty and self love starts from the inside, before it can radiate out, Ashlee wanted to ensure that the product was also a worthy buy for those who wanted to read it.
TheUnscripted Collective Vol 1 is the perfect book for those who love to read, but also love the magazine feel of blogs and the fun way information is expressed.
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What Awaits you :
Couch time with Ashlee, as she talks about choosing to forgive, not to let the poison of betrayal ruin her life, but choosing a healthier and happier path while working through the pain
Diving into why being just who you are can be a hard feat in Today’s society and why it’s so important to reconnect to your soul.
Why it is not safe as some of the experts are pushing today to ‘ force’ yourself to do anything, rather you have to trust your intuition and we break down how to do just that.
How to stop manipulating yourself into settling, because it only leads to long term pain and hard lessons.
How to become truly inspired without losing yourself and so much more.
The blogzine has over 15 articles, beautifully curated so that they flow into each other in a fun way and takes you on a journey of casual yet super insightful self discovery!
In the last post, we talked about some of the ways we can repurpose our limiting beliefs and even broke them down to specific situations!
Today, I’m spilling the tea on how to rewire your mindset, which is a fancy way of saying changing your perspective on your goals and your mental blocks.
We’re going to be looking at the things that cause resistance around your goals and how to blast them back into the abyss that they dared to fly up from in the first place.
So how do you go about changing your perspective on these things in real time?
You * drum roll * start reconnecting to yourself.
Here’s the thing, a lot of us are so disconnected from ourselves that if we didn’t live in this body, we would have no idea of who we were.
We spend a lot of time getting to know others and enjoying their company, building bonds and establishing trust and respect, however, when it comes to doing the same thing for ourselves, we shy all the way away from doing so!
I know, you’re thinking, how I can be disconnected from myself; I literally am myself and am in this body, with these thoughts and these feelings!
Yes, all true, however, let me know if any of these things resonate with you …
◊ Sitting in a café / movie theatre/ bar/ you name it- all alone and feeling lonely AF and hyper aware of other people having the best time. Feeling your heart beat staccato in a hollow rhythm because you want what they have. You want to also not be alone. You feel weird and awkward being alone.
◊ You argue with yourself a lot and avoid certain thoughts when they pop up because you just don’t feel like dealing with them or they hurt too much.
◊ You feel like a failure too much, you rarely look in the mirror and LOVE what is looking back at you.
◊ You’re fixated on working on ONE area of your life because to you it is failing and since it is, so are you.
If you answered ‘Yes’ to any of those ( no matter how salty) then the truth of it is that there is at least a part of you that is disconnected from the other parts of you and to be honest, many of us were not raised to cultivate a strong mental relationship with ourselves to begin with.
We rarely check in with ourselves to see how we truly feel about something or what we truly want, instead, we allow someone else (our authority figures/ haters/ lovers/celebrities) to make those decisions for us, so that we do what is expected and keep the peace.
And the more we do that, the more we start to separate from who we are- hence all those movies about ‘Finding Yourself!” – and the less we trust ourselves, the less we enjoy our own company, the less we believe in ourselves, because we are slowly eroding the bond we have with ‘me, myself and I’.
So to change your perspective, you have to be willing to repair that bond.
CONTINUE READING !
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What’s awaiting you:
Ashlee breaks down how she went through the reconnection process and shares tips, insights and activities.
How reconnecting to self will give you greater insights into what specifically is triggering your limiting beliefs and fears.
Step by step process of moving from being triggered to having a new viable and successful perspective on the same situation.
Guides towards bringing this concept into real life in real time, o you achieve success much quicker and with clarity.
We get much clearer on trigger moments, beliefs, and how to handle each so we don;t go insane with stress,doubt and fear.
Is it possible to let the problem fix itself? Find out in this training!