The Secret Truth to Being Successful

It has been ingrained in me from a very young age that success in any form, comes from hard work.

This belief is what got me through my Common Entrance Examination when I was ten, got me to my high grades at the CXC level when I was fifteen and what saw me burn right out in college, only to fight for supremacy in University.

It is a concept that has also seen me through many days at my various jobs and even more so as a budding entrepreneur.

However, it is also a concept that I realized I grossly misinterpreted and drove too far, too deeply.

The concept of hard work suggests to me sweat, blood, tears and an unrelenting drive to achieve my goal.

 The flip side of that being, there is little room for fun, happiness, mistakes or patience, things I realized I needed for a healthy life.

It is a concept that I have grappled with for years because if I was not successful in something, then it meant I needed to work even harder, and had to make even more sacrifices, which always felt wrong but necessary.

Those sacrifices often times came in the form of spending time with loved ones, taking breaks, taking good care of my health and body and becoming even more of a workaholic whom had nothing to show for it.

It meant I had to do more, dig in my heels further, cut out all distractions and drive myself ever onward towards success.

Success meant hard work.

It’s only later in my life, late twenties really that I began to understand that hard work did not actually mean eye-strain, sleepless nights, fighting to work with people who did not want to work for me or sacrificing time with love ones .

 It did not mean self-punishment or being super unhealthy.

 In fact it turns out that hardwork meant having a new school of thought, where I needed to do less, which allowed me to have even more.

As an entrepreneur, I listened to many webinars on strategy, on building up my business and all the things that I absolutely had to have in place or guaranteed failure of my business, and I am here to say that all of that was absolutely wrong.

In life it’s not about having the right strategy, it’s not about working yourself to death and it is definitely not about robbing yourself of happiness. 

What it is about is fueling your high energy meter.

Psychologist, mindset coaches, spiritual healers and intuitive entrepreneurs all know the truth behind living your best life and being successful.

In short, they all know one secret truth:

If you focus on problems, you will reap even more problems, but if you focus on possibilities, then you will reap more opportunities.

If that’s true, then does doing less actually equal being more successful?

Now I’m not going to lie, when I first heard of this new school of thought, I scoffed and kept scoffing, but then I decided to just try it, as it wasn’t as if my spinning hamster impersonation was showing any results anyway.

So the first thing I did was to research this idea and that’s when Gabby Berstein popped up in my must watch list, around the time she was promoting her book, Super Attractor: Methods for Manifesting a Life Beyond Your Wildest Dreams.

While I have yet to read this book, I will admit that I was drawn in my Berstein’s interviews and articles regarding the idea of doing less busy work and indulging in intentional and intuitive work.

One such interview with Annie Tomlin caught my attention, in which Berstein was asked what a Super Attractor was, and she explained it was ‘someone whose primary focus is on feeling good’.

I was further intrigued, when Berstein, further explained, “When people make feeling good a priority, then they become a magnet for what they want.”

Turns out we are all already Super Attractors it’s just that we have forgotten and have fallen so deeply into fear, judgement and attack that the power is blocked from us.   

She notes, however, that to regain that power, all one has to do is recognize the ways your thoughts and belief systems work and how they’re making you feel, how they have disconnected you from attracting what you really want.

Seems easy enough but is it really?

I remember the first time I talked about my idea to do less and attract more how my mind rebelled against the idea because of my earlier training, but as I did more inner healing, I came to realize that I was afraid of actually being happy and feeling good, because in my mind those good feelings were fleeting, rather than long lasting.

And who could blame me, when societal landscape we live in today, it is almost expected to be addicted to fear, worry, attack and judgment.

“It’s so much easier to let your mind spin. It’s easier to worry, “What if this happens?” rather than having a default state of thinking everything is going to be fine. Fear is the default, because it’s what we’ve grown to rely on and believe. We build up that fear as a habit, but also as a false way of playing safe,” Berstein notes.

“I think that that the belief systems that we’ve picked up throughout our lives have programmed us to believe that we’re not good enough, we’re not smart enough, we’re not worthy. These beliefs are from life experiences that traumatize and trigger us.

We take those thoughts and we rethink them. Those thoughts become belief systems, and those belief systems build up the world that we see. So at times, it seems safer to be in worry and fear, because that’s how we protect ourselves, but it’s obviously not protecting us at all,” she continues.

Sound familiar?

It did for me and it got me to thinking, what if I could change the way I think about the world and how to achieve what I wanted?

 What if I could just focus on enjoying what I was doing and consciously stop myself from indulging in worry?

After all, when you feel good about yourself and what you’re doing, it’s not work, it’s not stress, its fun and something you WANT to do!

It’s the same hardwork, but instead of feeling drained and stressed out because you’re achievement based, you get to feel elevated, happy and accomplished because you are now you centered.

And to me that’s a much better trade off.


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The Confusing Skill You Didn’t Know You Needed

Is it me or does it feel as if the more we obsess about our goals, the more they seem to frustratingly not happen?

We are often told that if we want to be successful in life, we need to have motivation, desire, ambition and commitment, but as I’ve realized recently, there is another very important ingredient that many seem reluctant to talk about.

And since I’m not a reluctant person, but mostly because I want to share this information with you, I’ll let you in on the most secretive ingredient since KFC’s 7 herbs and spices.

The ingredient is ‘detachment’.

Yes, you read that correctly!

Now I can almost hear you murmuring, ‘what does detachment have to do with being successful?” cue confused face.

The term ‘detachment’ usually brings up thoughts of being indifferent, apathetic or dissociative, however, in truth, these are all erroneous assumptions.

“One can be loving, happy, helpful and energetic, and at the same time be detached. I mean detached from worries, fears, negative emotions and the negative emotions of other people,” says Remez Sasson, author of Emotional Detachment for Happier Life.

The skill of being emotionally and mentally detached is the art of choosing to remain calm and happy even when things in your life suck, because you have learnt how to remove the expectation of results unfolding in any specific way.

In short you have learnt to make peace with the fact that life is an unfolding saga of uncertainty and that’s ok, because you realize you never had that kind of directive cosmic control to begin with, thus the more you fight for something, the more it’s likely to not happen.

 “I call it the ‘backwards law.’ When you try to stay on the surface of the water, you sink; but when you try to sink, you float. When you hold your breath, you lose it — which immediately calls to mind an ancient and much neglected saying, ‘Whosoever would save his soul shall lose it,” writes Alan Watts in the 1951 book, The Wisdom of Insecurity.

Many of us, in our search for betterment and to draw positive abundance to ourselves know that while success is inevitable, there is much to be said for understanding that the world we live in is not one to be controlled in our fashion, rather it requires us to keep our energies up and to have faith that everything is working out in our best favour.

This is one of the reasons many experts in the field of energy, mindset and even psychology encourages their clients and followers to not become attached and stressed by the process of succeeding, rather to focus on the outcome and the emotional response it elicits.

Tania Kotsos, contributor for Mind Your Reality, notes, “Once you accept the truth about your thought power and that you are one with the One Universal Mind, you will be able to release any need to control the process. Instructing the all-knowing Universe “how” you want things to come about is telling Omniscience that you know better.”

And this is one of the many reasons it is beyond ok to stop obsessing about your goals and getting impatient for them to manifest.

 The simple truth is that becoming overly attached erodes at the power you actually have and opens you for even more frustrations, stressful situations and adversely affects your health.

Marla Tabaka, a small business adviser, notes on INC, “Desperately wanting, or needing a specific outcome in any given circumstance–to the point of stressing out about it–is harmful to your health and happiness. Literally.”

So why is being overly attached so health harming?

It’s because this behavior will lead to such physical symptoms as stress headaches, anxiety, upset stomach and shortness of breath.

To be overly attached to your idea of success, whatever it might be ( promotion, new car, more money, etc) will keep you trapped in fear and a ‘ continuous state of unhealthy desire and lack’, especially when you throw someone else’s actions and opinions of you into the mix.

Tabaka, explains that there is a power and a resilience to those who are able to want an outcome, and detach themselves from the significance of it.

“People who can successfully detach from the outcome will not be affected or daunted by obstacles or failures; they always bounce back and try again,” she notes.

“Those who are overly focused on getting exactly what they want and how they want it to happen fall into patterns of self-pity and concern about failure and missed opportunities.

 The person who manages healthy detachment is always innovating and moving forward. A state of healthy detachment helps to redefine failure and shifts the focus to positive, solution-based thinking,” she continued.

So you can see being detached from the outcome of your goal is actually a very useful and healthy practice, because it allows you to think more clearly, stay balanced and it is unlikely you will become agitated in response to what others say or think about you.

Remez Sasson, author of Emotional Detachment for Healthier Life, notes that true detachment, “…helps you control your moods and states of mind, and therefore, enjoy inner balance, harmony and peace. It also helps you handle more efficiently your daily affairs of life, as well difficult situations or emergencies.”

He too contends that the state of detachment comes from a place of inner strength and peace, coexisting with self control, self discipline and a focused mind.

It, according to Sasson, brings inner calmness and tranquility that external circumstances cannot disturb or upset.

 If there is one skill that we all need, it’s the ability to understand that yes, we want this outcome and then to release the ‘how, when, where’ to the Universe to figure out. 

How many times have you obsessed over getting something specific, and not receive it, decide you’re just going to let it be and then as soon as you’re about to forget about it, it shows up?

That’s the point of detachment.

Not only does it allow your goal outcome to manifest at the best time, it also allows you freedom and space to enjoy life while you work on it, without incurring such fleeting but destructive emotions as self-pity, doubt, failures and missed opportunities. “A state of inner detachment helps to forget failure and focus on the future and on success,” notes Sasson.


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