Gazing into each other’s eyes, getting lost for hours, proudly holding hands, making out like your partner is your lifeline, wanting to be in their presence often and to smell like them?
Yeah, those were the good old first days of the relationship right?
Now tho, you’re like passing ships in the night, and you don’t talk nearly as much as you used to and if you think about it, sex has been infrequent, and just not as good as you swore it used to be.
So what the hell happened?
After the all consuming honey-moon phase, we tend to settle into a routine and a rhythm with our partner, especially if you are living with them and things you used to make time for change, the way you interact change and the way you think about your partner also changes, sometimes for the best, but in many cases, we become complacent.
You feel safe and comfortable in your love, in the fact that you are loved and your brain starts telling you that your lover isn’t going anywhere, so now you can focus on some of the other things that life has been throwing your way like missiles lately.
It’s normal and natural even, however, if you stay on this course, you will find yourself in a rut, your bond with your lover will start to fray, because just like a plant needs water, light and music to grow, your bond also needs tender, loving care and maintenance.
Luckily, if you and your partner are game, still attracted to each other and willing to do some small things to make your bind strong again, there are a few dating practices from your past that will ultimately be your lifesavers and keep the spark alive in your relationships!
Talk Until Midnight
There is the fear that the longer the relationship goes on, the more you’re going to be retelling old stories to your long suffering partner and it’s true.
You will be retelling the same stories and that’s ok.
When you were first dating, you wanted to be able to tell each other all the things, from the good, bad and the goofy.
Don’t stop now, in fact it is recommended to keep a clear open channel of communication, so that each of you feel as if you have been heard, feels that your partner likes hearing your thoughts and opinions and can relate to you.
Communication is the foundation for all relationships and the moment either of you think you can no longer talk open or honestly with your partner, is the first fracture in your relationship bond.
Renowned coach, Tony Robbins, notes, “People often confuse communication for talking or making conversation, and this is the root cause of why many of these same people are so unsuccessful when it comes to how to communicate better”.
“Communication in relationships, at its core, is about connecting and using your verbal, written and physical skills to fulfill your partner’s needs. It’s not about making small talk. It is about understanding your partner’s point of view, offering support and letting your partner know you are their #1 fan,” he continues.
To reignite the spark and make your relationship strong and healthy again, start off small. Take a few minutes during the day to check in with you love and see how he/she is doing today and how you can add some shine to the day. Don’t do this expecting immediate quid pro quo, because that would defeat the purpose.
Rather, the goal of checking in is to show your partner that you do think about them during the day fondly and to remind yourself that you actually do care and like this person. We are on our phones daily and in the beginning, I’m sure you sent each other texts and had ongoing conversations, don’t that that spark die.
This then sets the scene for when you spend time together in the same space. When this happens, relax and just listen to your love. Drink them in and let yourself acknowledge how much you actually care about this person, their ideals, the way they speak and think etc.
This sets the precedent for strengthening your bond. You will both start feeling more relaxed and comfortable around each other, more trusting and safe and more respected. Communication is not about just small talk, it is about feeling trusted, safe, respected and able to speak your mind to a person who will listen and return the favour.
You both have to ensure you don’t lose out on this amazing opportunity.
There is a belief that once you’re in a relationship, you can stop flirting with each other, afterall, if you’ve already caught the rabbit you’ve always wanted, why do you have to up-keep your hunting habits?
Well, happy to break it to you, but you need to upkeep your flirting game for your partner. One of the reasons he/ she became attracted to you in the first place was because of your charm, banter and flirting.
So crack those knuckles, blow the dust off of your flirt game and let’s go.
Healthy flirting is a great way to keep your relationship healthy and strong ,get attention from your partner and is a pretty good confidence boost for both of you.
Flirting is a fun and easy way to reignite the spark in your relationship and can be done is so many ways, from flirting on your mobile, through texts, actually flirting through gentle touches, eye glances and talking to your love. The flirt game gets even better with jokes and your clothes can even be incorporated.
You know what your love likes, so why not spice it up and have fun together. This lets your partner know that you still see them as a sexy, attractive, smart and significant person in your life, while boosting all the good chemicals in you both.
Plus, when he/ she flirts back and/ or is receptive to your flirting, this also makes you feel good, confident and that you are still seen as a sexy, viable, smart and significant person in his/ her life that brings good feelings of joy.
In her book, 101 Ways to Flirt Susan Rabin, said, “This can be a great confidence booster as it will help you feel better about yourself”.
Flirting will also bring you closer together and add even more spice to your relationship, because you are reminded of what attracts you to them and it allows both parties to feel good about each other, as the act releases all the good hormones including serotonin and dopamine.
Be Silly With Each Other
Being silly with each other was a very important milestone in your dating life, because it meant you could let your partner see the real you, including the quirks, your sense of humor and it felt amazing when that trust was reciprocated.
“When your loved one shows their goofy side and you play along too, it can make you feel more connected. These silly moments are what makes you feel like a kid again, showing a side that you might not get to express very often. It’s important to not make them feel judged, because you’re the person they trusted with their whole self. Everyone wants to feel accepted, especially by their partner,” notes Caila Quinn, Travel Blogger.
A relationship that is strong and healthy will have loads of times when you are silly with each other, because there is just no better feeling in the moment, than being able to make your partner smile, laugh and best of all, join you in the silliness.
For many, being silly is the test to see if the relationship can work, because let’s be honest, compatible sense of humours are a must.
To keep your relationship strong, healthy and sparkling, plan something that you can both be silly with each other with. It can be as simple as watching your fave anime/ cartoons, to an impromptu karaoke night to destroying each other in a silly game, virtually or with water balloons. The sky is the limit, just make sure it is something you both want to do will enjoy and can have the most fun doing.
Touch Each Other Often
Finding any reason to touch your crush and love was one of the hallmarks of your courtship and if you’re honest, it wasn’t something you even thought about, you just loved how they felt and your palms did it all on their own, you were just along for the ride.
Physical touch is a fundamental human need and communicates a lot of the things we may not be able to accurately express verbally.
According to married researchers and authors, Dr. Charles & Dr. Elizabeth Schmitz, “To touch someone you love is to acknowledge their presence and to communicate your desire for them. That’s why the most successfully married couples amongst us do it so often.”
Little touches and kisses tell your partner that you’re positively thinking about them and bonus, it all adds to their lust for you!
The way you touch someone can convey so much about how you feel about them, so too a lack of touch.
From a soft caress, a sure helping hand and warm, comforting embraces to flirty touches, your partner can feel a myriad of emotions just from the way you touch him/ her. The softer and more comfortable the touches, the more welcomed and the better the status of the relationship.
Touches should never be limited to sex only; in fact they should be a part of your every day live, because they are one of the loudest practices of non-verbal communication. A lack of touch in a relationship can be interpreted as a lack of soul affection and a boundary for distance from that person, which does not feel great.
Talk to your partner, open and honestly about both yours and his/ her boundaries with touches, what is too much, what they would like more of and after consent, test what you both feel comfortable with and what it makes you feel. Trust me when I say that touch is a very strong language and goes a long way in keeping your relationship strong and healthy.
Make Time to Hangout with Each Other
You remember when you used to ditch your friends, and figure out ways of getting off from work early all so you could spend blessed time with each other?
Remember when you couldn’t wait to see your partner’s smiling face and how happy you felt in his/ her presence?
Is this still the case?
If so , yay! If not, maybe it’s time you explore if you actually like this person.
Wanting to spend time with your mate is a huge sign of how it’s going in your own mind about how you feel and view the other person and a litmus test for your relationship.
I’m not saying that you will always want to see them- people need space and alone time to be healthy, but I’m saying that if the thought of spending alone time together does not elicit a positive response, then this is definitely something to check in with yourself and explore.
Your partner is your friend first and your mate last. Spending time together speaks of the bond you have and your willingness to keep your relationship strong and healthy.
The more time you spend doing things you both love, the better. This way you can share your joy and expertise with each other, have fun and just be able to learn more about each other, because no matter how long you know a person, you will never know all there is, simply because they are still learning themselves.
Grande explains that friendship is a very important part of any committed relationship, “It makes for open and honest communication and an assumption that the other person “has your back”.
Think about it, isn’t it easier to address a conflict with someone you view as a friend, rather than an adversary?
Grande also notes, “Emotional connectedness brings added depth to your relationship. For many individuals, it is a necessary factor in generating sexual desire, another important aspect of any long-term committed relationship,” So get to planning out time to meet up, talk and have good, shared experiences together again, it will do wonders to bring your relationship back to a level of first priority.
You made it to the end! Wooot!