I am actually really excited to bring to you this audio post today, because the subject is so real to me and it is something that I think we need to be open and honest about.
In this post I riff on one of the biggest sexual hurdles women and men have to overcome not only to move on to a new relationship but also to heal and come to terms with your own sexual desires.
Within this post :
>> I talk about growing and evolving as a person and as a being with sexual wants and desires, a little bit about my own experience and how I got over feeling as if I was a prude.
>> The tips in this post allowed me to be super honest about what I want ( to my partner and myself) when it came to sex and it was such a powerful shift.
>> We talk why BDSM and Vanilla sex both require trust, respect of your boundaries and an open door to explore your desires safely.
You are allowed to feel differently with another person and even want to try something that may have been of the table before, simply because with this new person, you feel safe, you want to experiment and you are ready to.
There is no rush when it comes to sex, in fact it is one of the many activities we will do as adult humans that is natural and goes to your individual pacing, tastes and enjoyment levels. The act is one that connects you to your partner, because of how intimate it is, how you share energies and how you also share health truths.
Click to listen to this audio now and if it feels right, like the post and leave a comment.
It never occurred to me that I could be loved unconditionally. The concept itself made very little sense to me, as I simply could not fathom, how it was possible to love someone for doing nothing more than existing.
I subscribed for years, to what I now call ‘conditional affection’, where the relationship grew based on whether the person was willing to appease you and what they brought into your world to make your own well-being much easier.
You see it often in movies and in love letters, where the person professes his/her love and it’s a laundry list of the ways the other makes their life easier, but rarely states the qualities and traits of the first person; like are they kind, intelligent?
It’s always a very egotisical spiel that made me realize that the relationship would be based on whether the person could keep up or improve upon that laundry list.
The thing is, attraction starts with realizing how someone makes you feel, it gets fuelled by the things you have in common and then by you seeing and approving of behaviours.
The problem comes, because that’s where most of us choose to stop our hearts.
We stop at the things the person does for us, or the things you do for them.
There is another step, where you start to love the person simply because you realize and acknowledge them on an encompassing human level.
There is just something about being called ‘ good’ and praised for existing that accelerates your heart-rate, turns you into a puddle and makes the person who just whispered those words of praise into your ears even hotter than they were a few moments ago.
We’re finally in an age where more and more people are being open and honest about having kinks and also admitting what they are; one of the lesser known kinks that has been gaining popularity is the very simple yet powerful ‘ praise kink’.
A kink, not to be confused with a fetish – which usually refers to a necessary behavior that a person needs in order to become aroused-, simply defined is a sexual activity that fall outside of sex that society traditionally considers acceptable (read: vanilla sex).
This can include anything from flogging, role play to breath play; the sky is the limit and the ones you try out is all up to you and your partner.
Praise kink, which falls under the category of Psychological play, is a complete 180 from the controversial Humiliation kink, where your partner uses derogatory language, including name calling and verbal abuse during intercourse.
“Intense language as a use of force can be just as intense, or even more intense, as consensually degrading physical sensations, such as impact play,” says sex educator Tina Horn, host of the podcast Why Are People Into That?!
Praise kinks on the other hand is all about complimenting and praising your partner.
In the land of BDSM, praise kinks are usually when a dominant deliberately praises his/her submissive for doing something good, or for behavior that pleases the dominant.
This kink can also help the submissive to drop further into subspace (the mindset of one releasing their outer inhibitions and becoming subservient for the scene).
Praise kinks, usually include calling the sub, “good girl/ boy”, asking them to be “good for” the dominant and, rewarding them for obeying their dominant, especially during scenes with edging.
As abovementioned praise kinks are a part of emotional play, which falls under psychological BDSM.
Emotional play is often coupled with light Age Play, i.e calling the sub ‘Babygirl’ and the dominant, ‘Daddy’, and causes the submissive to have an emotional response to the words, whether they are humiliating or uplifting.
Praise kink is considered one of the softer forms of emotional play, because it does not fall into the harder and rougher categories required for masochism and sadism yet has been very useful to help subs get into the right head space and for coming back to themselves after a particularly intense scene, gently.
Praise kinks are being used more often to offset the humiliation play, as it elicits a cathartic response from the submissive that he/ she has been good, is being rewarded and also signals for them to further listen to the instructions of the dominant.
It has been said that everyone has a kink however, for healthy sex and for a truly amazing experience as you explore the varying sides of your sexuality, you and your partner have to talk about them and both agree to try out these experiences.
Consent is sexy and so is trust.
Both things that are needed as emotional play can create lasting scars, because both partners are opening themselves up and being vulnerable with each other.
Enjoy your kinks safely and always respect your partner’s needs and boundaries.
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